Last Day of the Year

Sometimes when I start to get comfortable and think that I am always in control of my life, God does something to show me that he really is in control! Sometimes these moments are tragic; sometimes these moments are glorious; sometimes these moments are small; but sometimes these moments are grand.

Today I had one of those moments, thought I would call this one a small moment in my life, it could prove to be grand later on in my life. But lately, as you may know, if you've been reading, I blog a lot about my journey with Weight Watchers... Well today, the LAST day of the year- I AM A LIFETIME MEMBER!!!!! I had reached my goal weight 6 weeks ago, and I have maintained and gone below my goal weight in the 6 weeks to reach lifetime- ON THE LAST DAY OF 2009!

You know those weeks where I gained, or the weeks that I didn't lose as much as I wanted too, or the weeks I didn't work out as hard as I should have... it all happened the way it did, so I would become a lifetime member on the last day of the year! So I am going into the New Decade, prepared, encouraged and supported!

Its a great day for me. These last 14 weeks have been great weeks for me, school is great and I have made myself a priority, it feels good!

I wish you all a Happy Happy New Year! And I pray that you are all blessed and encouraged for the new year. I love you all! xoxo

New Year Goal

So yesterday I was thinking about New Year Resolutions, most people want to try to lose weight, or save money or different things like that. I have already started the weight lose journey but I want to challenge myself this year. So I was thinking about having an ultimate goal so I had something to go for. This is my idea: That I will run a half marathon or a marathon at the end of next year, but to get myself prepared I will have a goal of running a # of mile directly related to the # month of the year. So in April I will run 4 miles straight, because its the 4th month. That means by next December I should be able to run 12 miles "straight" and I think the pf changs half marathon is 13 miles... I dont know, I hope this is something I could do, It seems like it would be a good goal and practice because it is gradual. I really hope I can keep up with it! But that is my first idea for this year, have you thought of any new years goals for yourself??

Lucky Number 7

Well, I try to be better at this, but I fail. Not that many of you are waiting anxiously to hear from me, but still. I should be more committed to this than I am. But its ok, life happens. Can't get down about intentions, sometimes they just don't work out!

But today I am here to talk about number 7! Today is the 7th so it seemed fitting! I don't believe in superstitions or anything like that. But the number 7 has been around lately and I think its funny!

The first 7, would be 17! That is how many pounds I have lost since joining weight watchers, which I have been doing for almost 77 days (technically, 75 today)! ;) It might not seem like a lot, but its huge! I feel so much better, and happier! I can move easier (not that I really had a problem moving but, you know what I mean).

In the last 7 weeks, I have lost 7 inches collectively! 2 in my hips, 2 in my thighs, 2 in my waist and 1 in my arms! =D Sometimes its really hard to keep going because you aren't seeing the results. I see my results. None of my clothes fit me right, jeans that were always tight, are now always baggy! Shirts that were once too tight because I bought them for "when I lost weight", are now too big! Its going to be somewhat expensive getting my new wardrobe but it will be one thing at a time, definitely no complaints!

That is how the number 7 has been following me around lately, but its ok!

One thing I do want to get out there, just because its kind of nice to be completely honest and open: I still struggle! I find myself, being just plain lazy during the weekends. If I didn't have someone else to weigh in to on thursdays it could be bad. I need to find my will power and control. Its just sometimes its hard! Last weekend was Joey's birthday so there was the celebration with his family, his friends, my family and just us. Then there was the day of four wheeling with joey, my brother in law and co-worker that ended with pizza with the family. Its just like, once the cycle starts its going. I need to find my happy medium, I hope I can do it. And until I can, I will go to a meeting every weeks so I can stay within my goal! I am only 3 weeks away from being a Lifetime member, and hopefully I will blog before that time!

xoxo

Merry Christmas! I just love this time of year, I want to start enjoying it more!

We All Got It!

Ok, I know I am doing two posts today but I haven't done a Thankful one, and I write/talk to much so the other post would have been way to long if I would have wrote this in there!

Today, I want to talk about how I am Thankful for my siblings,through blood and law! There is one way to tell if youre a Klingaman, look at the booty! We all got it, my sister, my brother and I, all have big ole bubble butts. I am thankful for my bubble butt because its something I share with my family. =D

My sister and I didn't get to grow up together but I am thankful that she is here with me now. I am thankful that we can try to make up for the times we didn't have and that I have a sister I can talk to when I need something. She has great advice and a pure heart. I am thankful that I have her now. I am thankful for her husband Dustin, even though he drives me crazy sometimes, he is a lot of fun to have in our family. He is genuine, caring and sweet, even with his tough guy persona!

My brother, has always been one of my best friends. I am thankful that I can call him in the middle of the day to ask him how to lift weights and he is there for me. I miss the friendship that we used to have, but I am thankful for all the fun we have had and will continue to have as adults. I am thankful that he has been there for me during really hard times, and I know that he will always be there for me. I am thankful for the love he has shown me, and the role model he has been for me in my life. Without him, I don't know where I would be, but because of him I know where I can be. I am also thankful for his wife, Emily. I am thankful for the relationship that we share. She is very much like a sister to me, and I am thankful that we have many years to come to grow our relationship. I am thankful for her sister kelsey, whom I call my own sister. She is a light in my life. I am thankful for the fun times that we have had together, and the unique family situation we have created. Our families, are not secondary families, we have joined them together, and I could not be happier. I am thankful for Blair and look forward to growing up together. I have always wanted a big family, and I didn't know I would get that through my "in-Laws" but I am very thankful for everyone of them!

Who are you thankful for in your life??

Guilty....

So awhile ago my dear sweet friend Karalyn asked me, "What I missed about being on my 'diet'"? I thought about it at first, there really was nothing because I do not think of Weight Watchers as a diet. I think of it as something that allows me to be healthier but I do not feel trapped in. I get to choose what I eat, I get to keep track of the good, and bad things I put in my body, I am just more aware of what I am putting in, and doing with my body! I feel that Weight Watchers is based on awareness. If you are not aware, you gain weight. That is what I did! I ate what I wanted and a lot of it, lots of times a day and wasn't aware of the negative affect it was having on my body, both with weight gain, less energy, uncomfortableness. But now, I am aware! I can have a cookie (or two) one day, but not everyday. I can still have my starbucks, but one day a week, not everyday. I can still eat my favorite mexican food, but not everyday! And I am ok with that... ok sorry about the tangent back to the original question. It was a very good question, because when people diet, they miss things. It took me sometime and I realized it. I realized that I do miss something... I miss not feeling guilty for wanting something, usually In n Out. But I think that is me just wishing to not be aware of what I am doing, and I dont want that! I think since I am in the thick of it all, and very determined to get healthy and be comfortable that feeling of guilt is much stronger than it will be later. Because, I know I can have anything I want, but I wont be I am determined to get my confidence back, and to feel good about myself. And those feelings are way better than those In N Out french fries! So moral of the story: this is not a diet. this is a lifestyle change. i am more aware than i have ever been, and i am glad, not guilty.

ps. this is the thing I have been wanting to blog about but totally forgot from the last post! =D

pss. so I listen to the local radio station, 104.7 John Jay and Rich in the morning, and they have this Healthe Trim diet that they promote. These things drive me crazy, because I think- yea its great that you are 51 years old and lost 26 pounds in 5 weeks (even though that is a little extreme) but you had to take 5 "natural" pills to do it! what happens when you stop taking the pills buddy??? I am not going to lie, I looked into Healthe Trim, the bottles have 100 pills and are 60$, if that guy is taking 5 in the morning, and 3 at night he is paying for a bottle almost every 9 days! that is just absurd. What ever happened to good ole fashion work. I work out everyday (almost everyday) and I eat healthy, and learning to live this lifestyle at 23 won't ever let me get to your point mister 51. But when those pills stop working, and you continue to eat the way you always have, because you didn't learn to change your lifestyle, just took a pill that filled you up- you are gonna be screwed, once again. it just erks me that people always bag on "having to count points" when they are taking about their food plan system, protein shakes, or "all natural energy" pills... what happens when you take those away from people? when they have to go out into the real world without their pre-portioned meals, and protein shakes... they fail... granted, I am using generalization, maybe for some people they can live the rest of their lives that way, or they just needed a jump start to get the weight off and they will keep it off, but it just seems that in the end those people will lose. I truly believe Weight Watchers is one of the only sure things because its a new lifestyle... but thats just my opinion, and good thing this is my blog so I can say it!

Best Friends For Life- Biffle!

So just a little update on the WW stuff, yesterday was weigh in. Surprisingly I was down 3 more lbs to get to over 10% of my body weight lost! =D I might not do it as fast as they do on the Biggest Loser, but I feel like a big loser reaching that goal! It makes it a total of 14.8 lbs! I think I am going to make my goal weight where I am so I can start maintenance and then become a lifetime member! =D

Today, I want to talk about how I am thankful for my mom. My mom IS my best friend. She loves me exactly how I am. She is encouraging, loving, genuine, interested, gives me the right amount of space with the right amount of discipline. She always knows what the say and when to say it. She is just, amazing. We have so many fun memories together. One thing that I will never forget is growing up when beanie babies were really awesome, one day I came home from school and I had the frog one hanging out on my faucet in my bathroom. It was one of the best surprises! She always does that, she knows people, and she knows how people feel loved and so that is what she does for them. My 18th birthday, senior year of high school, she went into my dance class and decorated everything in Finding Nemo and make my favorite rice crispie treats with sprinkles! My last birthday, 23rd, I had take on a princess persona. I dont know why, it just happened, honest... Well when I went over there for my birthday dinner, she had pink princess stuff everywhere! It was so much fun, to feel like a princess and little kid again, and it was so much fun to have her do that for me! I am thankful for the friendship my momma and I have. We had been through a rough road almost two years ago (can't believe its been that long...)but that road made our bond so strong, I have been forever blessed by that. I am thankful for being able to call my mom, biffle- because we are Best Friends For Life. I am thankful for everything about you momma.

xoxoxo

Thankful to be your little girl...

I haven't forgotten you sweet, sweet blog! I haven't forgotten about you when I think of new ideas of something to share, I just have been busy and lazy! I have thought, I need to blog, but then decide that watching TV is a better decision at that moment. But I am here! And I am prepared to be better!

So, wow... I have had this idea that I wanted to blog about for a long time and I get here and just like that! its gone... Hahaha Well I will do something else! Since it is November, I wanted to start saying what I am thankful for everyday. I am a little late but I will just start now!

I am thankful for my Dad. My dad is the best man I have ever met in my life. And, I am not just saying that because he is my dad, I am saying it because I have been told this by many, many other people. My dad's heart is the most pure, genuine things out there. My dad is still a child inside at times, and that is one of the things I love most about that man. He is not afraid to laugh at things that are supposed to be for kids. One time, we went to go see Robots together in theaters. I was sitting on the outside, my dad to my right, then there was a little boy (probably 6 or 7) to his right, and then a girl about my age (we were 19 or 20 at the time) that I assumed was his babysitter or older sister. Well throughout the ENTIRE movie, my dad and this kid laughed at the EXACT same things, for the EXACT duration, EVERYtime!! I enjoy things so much more when I am with my dad. And yes, sometimes I go crazy, but its really not him... its me, me being moody, tired, anything... he has been there for me through a lot of hard times. I was not always the nicest, most loving daughter to that man through my teenage years... But, BUT, I have learned! I have learned that he is amazing, and he does so much for me and my family that I could never imagine him not being around or treating him the way I had. I feel blessed because I have such a special relationship with him (and my mom) that I hold so so dear to my heart. I just want to say, I am thankful for my papa... I am thankful to call myself his daughter and to work with him on a daily basis. Papa, I am thankful for you!

Tuesday, I was really lazy. Decided watching TV was a good way to spend my time. Then after I was done, about 3 hours later, I thought to myself... Why is it soo much easier to be lazy, than to be productive at times? I was thinking, when I look back on my life those hours, days I spent just being lazy weren't doing anything to make me better... but I will always have my lazy days. I just will have to really make up for those lazy days on my productive days!

xoxoxo

The Good Stuff

Ok, I know I just posted a blog less than 3 seconds ago, but that one was a little more profound than this one and it didn't seem right to continue on with this one.

As a reflection from my last blog I do want to say, I hope one day, my blogging skill will develop so the stories I tell will have meanings that people will find helpful in their lives. I hope to eventually bring comfort, laughter, hope, faith and love to people who could randomly find my blog among the scrolls of others.

But here is my big story for the week:So we had weigh in on Wednesday. I was up .8! I was not very happy... This challenge is starting to become a competition. This healthy idea, is start to be a dirty game. This numbers game, which for me is not as drastic as it could be for others, but this numbers game is not what I want it to be about, but the fact is: it is...

or at least it was!

This morning I knew I would have to wear jeans today because it dropped 20 degrees in the last two days here in Arizona. So I already had in mind which ones. They are some jeans that I had bought last christmas with my then roommate, and at my then weight. They were, for lack of a better term, my big girl jeans. They were baggy but not too baggy but I always knew I could fit in them. Well, as you all know, summer in Arizona is hot... and I mean HOT! So I had just been wearing dresses all the time. So my pants were sadly neglected, well a couple months ago when I went to put on my big girls jeans they were a little snug! And even worst, my favorite pair of jeans that I had bought when I had lost a significant (for me) amount of weight a few summers ago, could barely make it above my hips! I was mortified... I was saddened, and disgusted. Well this morning, with bedhead still settling, and sleep in my eyes I grabbed for my jeans, I pulled them up and they fit pretty nice. Not too tight, Not too loose, but very comfortable.

Much to my surprise, not only had my big girl jeans gone back to their original fit, the length has shrunk a good 6inches (when you are as short as I am, and you buy nice, good *expensive* jeans they are always TOOOOO LOOOOOOOONG) When I looked down guess what I saw?!!?

THEY WEREN'T MY BIG GIRL JEANS....THEY WERE MY FAVORITE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!

In that moment, it wasn't about a number. It was about my goal. My goal to fit into my clothes again, my goal to feel better about myself. My goal to be excited about my clothes again. I'm not going to let this challenge become a competition. I'm not going to let my healthy idea become a dirty game. I am going to be happy with my progress. I am going to make good decisions, and sometimes eat a cookie and not feel bad about it. This morning was a result. It was the good stuff I have been waiting for.

Awareness leads to Accountability...

So one of my new favorite things to do is read other peoples blogs. It seems somewhat invasive when you are reading these stories that other people have experienced and the only connection you have is a link from a blog, of a blog, of a blog, of a person you really know. I figured, we are all putting ourselves out there for a reason.

Whether it be to: just have a place to put our thoughts so we, the blogger, can go back and look through things. or we want to be an inspiration, or we just really like letting out these stories of our lifes, whatever the reason, I am glad other people do it. Some of the blogs I read I can not relate to at all, but they inspire me. Inspire me to do more with my life, not put myself in boundaries of age, experience, money, life... They hold me accountable for my thoughts: frustration, selfishness, failure, success, blessings, happiness. These blogs, of these people I have never met, sometimes read as if they are writing about my life.

I have been struggling on here very verbally. I have been pulling around this dark dark cloud over my head and I just can not seem to shake it. But, today when reading a new blog (my saving blog, I will call it) it clicked. The words that were spilling off the screen and combining ideas in my head, were the words I have been searching for. These stories and words were exactly what I have needed... I feel like they saved my drowning soul...

I am aware of my feelings, I have made you aware of my feelings... and hopefully I can be held accountable for my reactions to them. I do not want to feel the way I have. I do not want to drag others down because of my attitude. I know I have said this, but I am really trying to do and be better for everyone I am around. But being aware of other people's attitudes, also makes me accountable for how I react to them. If I have to distance myself, to be happy... then I will distance myself. If I have to submerge myself, to feel positivity...then submerged I will be. I am not going to be a victim of other peoples negativity anymore.

I can't because their nasty black rain cloud, is creeping on me... I like the sun too much to be under their clouds....

OOO man...

Man, guys! I was doing sooo good at updating all the time! I am sorry it has almost been a week! (not that anyone is really out there! haha) This last week has been good. Busy but good! Thursday I had a great workout, hung out with Joey. Friday I made dinner for Joey, Nick, Tai, and Krista and Andy benifited from leftovers! Saturday went on a hike with my amazing friend Karalyn and sunday, well lets not talk about sunday, its a day I am trying to forget right now! (lets just say, I am not as outdoorsy as I thought I was, and fun to me is NOT driving 50 miles with the windows down in an old jeep to go rock climbing... maybe eventually, but not now...) I am trying to be productive and do homework stuff so that is mostly why I haven't been here! Weigh in is tomorrow, its going to be a cold day, so I am hoping the extra clothes won't weigh me down too much! Or the sushi I had earlier! Hope all is well! <3

Spongebob Squarepants...

Catchy Title huh?! Well, here it is! Today was weigh in day! And I am down 2.2 lbs! so that makes for a total of *drum rollllllllllll* 9.2lbs, in the last 4 weeks! I am very proud that I didn't give up because last week I hadn't done exactly what I wanted! But, now that I am getting this portion of my life under control and organized, I feel like other areas are going out of whack! Mostly me, my heart feelings... I just have felt super down lately. As most of you can tell from my last handful of Blogs I am just really struggling. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning, sometimes I feel like I am floating. Sometimes I say just take it away God, I am letting go for you to carry these burdens, and yet other times I am grasping on to the awful feelings that hold me down and don't want to let go because I need justification. This yo-yo of emotions needs to stop. I don't want this to be my constant state. I know all it takes is for me to say ok, no I am not going to do this anymore. But I feel like it will take a lot more than that... you know, I feel like somethings just drag us down, even if they have been a constant fixture in our lives, that doesn't mean it is right. I need to take some of those fixtures down and either get rid of them, or fix them up so they let me be the best I can be. I am really sorry about all the complaining lately. I guess I feel like people expect a lot out of me, so this is the only place I can kind of complain and not feel so bad about it. Just so much going on in my heart and head... I feel like a sponge. I feel like I am soaking up everything around me, I'm ready to squeeze it out and start fresh!

Treat people as you would want to be treated

Oooo Oooo Oooo pick me! Pick me! I had an idea for what I wanted to talk about today. Mostly because its something I want to say but don't really know where to say it. Overall, I think I am a pretty happy person. I am blessed beyond belief, I am grateful for the people in my life: Family, Friends, Aquaintances, Co-Workers, so on and so forth. Well, lately I have not been so content. Whether its feeling like there is just so much more I want to do with my life yet no one is there to push me for it, or that my expectations are rarely met and so I have to lower them to stay satisfied. I don't know, maybe I am the only person who remembers this rule but, its something I would like to put out there again to all of us! "Treat People as you want to be Treated." This rule is such a simple, easy one yet I feel like people don't think about it. And even, this is just the simplest thing, because its not saying the people you love, the people that you trust the most, its just saying PEOPLE... That means, that person you don't really know but ask you for directions on campus- yea, them. That person that you see in your neighborhood every once in awhile and their garage door is left open late at night- yea, them. That person, you know through a friend, who knows your brothers friend from down the street- yea, them too. Being a nice, genuine person isn't a pick and choose game. Its not a on one day, off the other thing. Its not about an eye for an eye. I want to be a person who is courteous, kind, genuine, trustworthy, lovable- a good friend, to everyone. But sometimes, people make that really hard. Sometimes, it stinks feeling walked all over, used, not cared for when you put a lot of effort into a friendship. How hard is it to text someone back? How hard is it to tell someone you've been thinking about them? How hard is it to be honest with someone? if its that hard... thats going to be an issue...

Good Morning Week!

I don't have much to say yet, but I'm gonna make this week a great week! I hope you all have a fabulous week as well. And when something brings you down, remember there are so many people that love you, and I do too! When someone disappoints you, think of a time when tehy didn;t and thats not who they normally are. We control our attitudes, our results, we make life what we want it to be! <3

Can't please them all...

I am starting to realize, in a sense, I am a people pleaser. I try not to step on people's toes, I try to do some things because other people want to do it, not really me. and its really frustrating when you can't please everyone and then they are not so nice about it when you don't... I am just over trying to please people. So I am just going to work on myself. that is what is most important anyways. I am just going to make myself happy. and if you don't want to respond, I am ok with that.

almost forgot!

Gosh, I have been really good about blogging lately, its actually quite impressive to me! But I almost forgot today! I know my blogs don't normally have any great words of wisdom, and really are just word vomit for whatever is going on in my life at this time but today I actually got to use some advice that I learned a long time ago. A while ago I had a really hard time, really hard time... I read a lot of books to try to understand the situation that left me feeling so very empty. Well, today, as odd as it sounds I used my advice for someone who was trying not to do what they had done before. It probably doesnt make sense, but thats ok. I know what I am talking about!

Sometimes, its hard to listen to advice others give us. Sometimes, its great to see that your advice is being taken. Sometimes, I wish I had known what I know now. Sometimes, I wish I would listen to the advice that I have given others! Sometimes, you just gotta live!

Just one of those weeks....

Is there a dark dreary rain cloud hanging over my head? Because that is sure what it feels like! And, to top it off I am a zombie today! Stayed out late for Krista's birthday last night, and I have decided I am too old to be doing that kind of stuff if I have to wake up by 6 every morning! I am seriously just starting to get some kind of energy, and I have been awake for almost 6 hours!! But, it was fun!

Well, I can't beat around the bush too much longer. We did weigh in today, and I gained .4oz Ok, I know this isn't horrible, and I know that those big numbers I was posting wouldn't last but I just really really never wanted to be + an amount. It is a little discouraging, but I am not going to let it stop me! I just need to start eating a little more to make sure I am getting in all my nutrients, especially milk, always forget about that one! And I really need to start upping my exercise. So does anyone want to either, go to school for me, or pay me to live so I don't have to work so I can get that exercise in. I feel like I am going non-stop all the time. Its like Monday-Friday I am on from 6am Monday morning until 5pm Friday night. I know I have a big break on campus, and I truly do need to take advantage of it, but I feel like I am losing out on my true Me Time. Im either working, school, sleeping, friends or the most needy of them all, the Boyfriend. And, I love love love spending time with him and all my friends and family but I feel like I am starting to lose my balance...

I don't want to fall down.

Positivity

I dont really have anything to say but, I am blessed. Even on my bad days, even on days that I feel broken, I have so many things to be grateful for and I really do try to remember those things and keep them in my mind, instead of the negative things. I want to be a positive light for you! <3

One of those days, One of those Feelings

Here is everything I could never say:

I miss you.
I miss the special thing we used to share.
I'm not sure if you'll ever let us share that again.
You aren't there for me anymore.
It makes me mad
It makes me sad
But, I still love you.
Always will
Always, always will
I will always want what we used to have
But eventually, I will come to terms that you
You have moved on in your life.
You will say you understand
You will say you will work on it
You will say that I am assuming things
I will be disappointed.
This is the new cycle of our life.
I will come to terms with it.
But, I will always love you the way I always have.

Frustrated...

I am just plain, straight-out frustrated right now... I am giving you a warning, this is not positive... This is a little self indulgence in my negative feeling right now. I hate, hate, hate complaining about these feelings because I know that I am blessed, and lucky... but feelings are feelings, sometimes we don't control them. Sometimes the actions of other people cause us to have these feelings that are hard to explain. But, I am tired of people not living up to the role they play in your life. This might sound confusing... But we all know what is expected of us as our role in life, such as being a friend, sister, daughter, mom, student, employee; each role we take in our lives have general standards and expectations... If you lived a certain way your entire life, it shouldnt change because something else has. I am just ugh.. so frustrated that people can't keep up their end of the bargain. I am always disappointed and let down, and its getting really really old. I always put my feelings out there. I really do try to be the best I can for everyone, and every role I do. But sometimes, its hard to do that when you get nothing but disappointment back, always... I am just done. done trying right now. hope youre happy...

Lets just say

Lets just say, a marathon and I will not mix! I tried to go on a yog yesterday, and thought I was going to die! I know I can eventually get there but I think my new goal is going to be: be able to run a full mile by the end of october, then 2 in november and 3 in december! We will see but Its all about baby steps! I hope everyone has a fabulous saturday! I am going to make cupcakes for my moms birthday celebration a little later that I am really excited about! They are Hungry Girl cupcakes and only 3 and 2 points each! Im making "Insanity Red Velvet" and "Iced n Spiced Pumpkin" cupcakes! Hope they turn out good!

Marathon?

So, I have been thinking... I might want to do the PF Chang's Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon... But I am not sure I can train for it in only 3 months! And its kind of expensive, so I wouldnt want to sign up for it and then not actually do it. Maybe I should just train like I was going to do it and do another one some other time. I am sure there are lots of marathon's around that I could do. I just was thinking maybe if I had a goal to achieve that was more permanent than just one I make up it would motivate me more to get out there. I don't know, I have never been a runner but it might be good. Maybe I should start with a new pair of running shoes! I have walking shoes, but not running!

anyone done a marathon or a 1/2 before... wanna give me some tips, encouragement, advice, all of the above!?
kk

Ooo Pictures!

OO I forgot, I took a picture of it! Because, I like to see pictures of food I am making! So I wanted to make sure everyone else had that too! This is for the recipe below for Katelynn's Afternoon Quesadilla!

Love yah!
xoxoxo

Week 2 Weigh In!

Hello Friends!

Well week two weigh in happened today and I am pleased to say I lost another 3.2 lbs! I was shocked! But, I know that these huge results won't keep happening but it is a great motivator to me because I am feeling better and better about myself. One area that I know I need a lot of focus on is my exercise! I don't get out to do stuff as much as I wish I did! And this last week I was barely out of my apartment studying for midterms! But I was wondering, anybody have ideas of fun things that can get you active!? The weather is soooo nice right now I want to start doing more outside, and stuff that won't cost a ton of money! I know Hiking, riding bikes, things like that... I guess I want to know what some people do to have fun that doesn't feel like exercise but is! Also, I made a great new recipe today! I was thinking I might start posting things up here that are weight watcher recipes or ideas in case anyone that is reading is interested or just wondering what I am doing!

Its so true, that when you are trying to get healthier, or Diet (ps.. to me Weight Watchers is the furthest thing from a diet) you always eat the same thing or do the same thing. But with weight watchers, you can eat whatever the heck you want too! IT IS UP TO YOU! Just stay within your points! (if anyone has any questions, comment I can explain more)

Katelynn's Afternoon Quesadilla:

Ingredients:
1 Carb Balance Whole Wheat Fajita Tortilla (Mission)
1/2 Light Swiss Laughing Cow Cheese (I live by these, usually have 3 or 4 in my fridge at all times)
1 Tbspn of Salsa (I used homemade Green Tomatillo salsa because I had some)
1 Chicken Breast
1 Tbspn Red Pepper Oil Olive
1 Tpsn EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)
1/4 Yellow Pepper
1/4 Red Pepper
1 tpsn Light Sour Cream

Start by putting your chicken breast in a skillet at medium heat.
I drizzled the Red Pepper Olive Oil over the chicken and seasoned it to taste (I used McCormick- Montreal Chicken Spice)
I used about 1/2 tbspn of the EVOO on the skillet as well.
While I was grilling the chicken; I washed and cut the yellow and red bell peppers into long strips.
Once the chicken was cooked all the way through I cut it in half and shredded one half of the chicken and put the other half in the fridge.
Then I put the Yellow and Red bell peppers and chicken back into the skillet and sauteed them together with the other 1.5 tbspn off EVOO

While the chicken and peppers were in the skillet, I spread the Whole Wheat Tortilla with the Laughing Cow Cheese and heated it up in the microwave for 30 seconds (that might have been too long, I will probably do like 20 or 15 next time). When I took the Tortilla out I spread the salsa on top of the melted, heated tortilla.

Once the chicken and peppers were cooked to my liking (a little crispy on the chicken, and some dark edges on the peppers) I put the mixture on top of the tortilla. And to top it off I used about a tbspn of Light Sour Cream!

This was a great meal and it really filled me up! It started off as an idea for a chicken quesadilla and then it just grew but you will be sooo surprised at how many points it is!!!

Point Value: 4!!!

Ok here is how:
The Tortilla is only 1 point!
1/2 Laughing Cow Cheese, 1 Tpsn of Salsa and a Cup of Bell Peppers aren't anything
The Chicken is 3 points for 4.5 oz but I had only half of that so its technically 1.5 but I just count 2 points (Always better to overestimate)
And then the sour cream was 1 point!

And here is another thing... I really didn't need the sour cream it just sounded good so I went for it!

Hope this helped somebody out! If not, and you are reading all the way down this way, God Bless your heart! =D

Thanks for all the support!

kk
xoxoxo

Do you know what you are?

I don't know why I keep thinking about this. I wonder if people know what they are. Are you positive or negative? Are you happy or sad? Are you controlling or passive? I think people have an idea of what they want to be, or what they think they are but I am not sure if people have a healthy grasp on what they TRULY are.

Not that I feel like I have it completely down but I have been thinking about a few things that I know I am:

I am a believer in people, second chances, miracles, faith, love.
I am broken, imperfect, moody, sensitive, judgemental at times, frustrated easily.
I am a friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, granddaughter, cousins, niece, aunt.
I am talkative, easily entertained, friendly (sometimes accused of being too friendly), open, willing to learn, willing to admit when I am wrong.
I am a motivator, positive, easy to be around (most of the time), loving.
I love to love. I want to show all the people of the world what real love is.
I take being a friend seriously. I try to be as honest as I can with the most important person of all, myself. I want to be known for being kind, sincere, loving, a great friend, intelligent.

I know I am young, but I feel like I have a good grasp on who I am. I am not perfect, I make a lot of mistakes. But I am willing to work on myself. I don't want to think that I don't have work to do on myself. I don't want to think I have grown as much as I can because the rest of my life won't be as fun if I already knew everything right now!

Not sure what spurred this blog, but hey at least I am blogging regularly now! It feels good.

Hope all are well.

xoxo

International Business Management

International Business Management can not exist and I would be a happier person! Studying in the library. Its hard to stay focused. Praying hard today for all my loved ones. Trying not to think that my inconvenience is a problem because its not. These tests don't define me. These test don't measure what kind of a person I am or what I can do in my life. These test don't help me make better decisions for my life, in the short and long run. They are just something teachers have to do, and it is my firm belief that most teachers are out to get us. They aren't there to really teach us, but their teaching is in between the lines. I'm thinking the Mindy is trying to teach me that if I study my butt off its only going to go so far, and even if I get a D or a A, I'm just another number. Its other things that are going to make me stand out and worth it, not a silly test grade...

xoxox

Ay yi yiiiii...

I am surprisingly calm compared to the week I have ahead of me! Its already midterms (which is totally weird to think about) but I have three exams. Luckily, they are all on separate days but its going to be one heck of a study fest! I have my first exam tonight 605-720. Then I am getting together with Tori after class to go over our MASSIVE study guide for MGT302, international business. And then Tuesday I will be in the library my entire break studying for my exam at 3. Then after that class the studying will continue for my Gender Communication test on Wednesday at 655! Its going to be three days of pure studying but I think I can do it! WW is still going well! I just need to find the time to make exercise more of a priority! But thankfully, the weather is getting much nicer out so I can start walking at work or during the day at school a little more!

Well, wish me luck! See you on the other side of the books!

xoxo

You say, HOW MUCH?!?

Ok so you know when you are out shopping and there is something you just really like but you can't imagine paying the price that they want for it because its just ridiculous. Well I have had one of those items for awhile now. Ok so at Urban Outfitters they have this totally cute headbands that have the big feathers on them, the only ones I have seen are Peacock ones and I just loved them but they are stinking 24$ If you go down to the Plumage Headband and Look at the options you will be totally surprised because, I decided to MAKE THEM ON MY OWN!! I am not an artsy fartsy lady! I can barely draw a stick figure very well! But I just bought some headbands are target (5 for 3.99) and then I went to Michaels and I bought two feathers, the Blue Almond and Multi Brown, they didnt have peacock, and some black ribbon. The headbands were browns, blue and tan. I used a regular brown one with the multi brown feather and then I wrapped a headband with the ribbon and put the blue almond on it. It was really easy, all I used was fabric glue because the feathers already had a black little thing on them. It was seriously so easy I couldn't even believe it! and I think I made them for less than 5$ The feathers were the most expensive part! I am thinking about making one with buttons now!

But this was my item I just had to have but didn't want to spend the money! What about you?! Have you made anything because you knew you could and didn't want to spend the money on it?




PS... seriously, go look at the link! It is the second to last picture and go to more colors and it is the EXACT feathers I got! suuuuuuch a rip off!

Feelings, all these wonderful feelings...

So I have been super emotional lately. Partly because I'm a lady, and ladies do that sometimes, usually once a month, lol. But, today I figured something out! Some people eat their feelings. When they are sad they go for the chocolate, or when they are happy they celebrate with a drink. I don't think I am one of those people. When I am sad, I buy clothes. When I am happy, I buy clothes. When I am content, I buy more stuff! I just can't help it, that is how I like to express my feelings. I just feel bad for my bank account, and future husband! Can you imagine what will happen if I am ever pregnant?!!? I'm gonna have to freeze my debit card in a BIIIIIIIG chunk of ice! lol

xoxo
praying...

Useless... Heavy Heart

I have a very heavy heart right now. I don't wish to divulge in the situation, but I feel so very useless right now. Things make it hard, and I know there is good support but I just want to help make things bearable. And I know that help is through Prayer, but I am going to be honest... I am horrible at prayer. But I am going to do it today... because it all I can do... <3

One Week

Well it has been one week on weight watchers and today I weighed in! I have lost.... Dun Dun Dunnnnnn.... 4.2 pounds! I am beyond excited because I did it all on my own! Making good choices! I know that much weight lose every week won't happen but it was great to see a result. I just thought I would let you all know! <3

Radio, Radio

This morning on my drive in to work there was a radio ad for some diet pill, Healthy Trim. I'm not going to lie, I have looked it up. I have read about it, maybe even had all my information filled out but didn't push confirm order...

What is it that makes "The Cheater Way" seem so much better than "The Right Way"? This isn't just a thought for weight issues, but anything in life that gives you a short cut but you know the short cut isn't really right!

I'm not exactly sure where I want to lead this blog too. But, "Cheaters never prosper" and there is a lot of gratification of getting to the end of the road the right way.

*disclaimer, I am definitely not saying that someone taking or doing a certain way to help jumpstart something is a cheater... so I hope no one takes offense or is hurt by what I am saying... Its kind of an analogy to life I guess... Sometimes you need a little push, I get that. But sometimes, take the high road...

Good Morning World!

I woke up this morning, still on the wrong side of the bed, but I am going to try to change that! Last night I was in bed, procrastinating and there was the loudest pop ever! I text my roommate, (too scared to go out to the kitchen because I had no idea what had happened) and asked if she was in the kitchen. She said no but that her bf went out there and couldnt see anything. we blamed it on our neighbor upstairs, most noise comes from him anyways, but it just didnt seem possible to me. well about 30 minutes later I decide to go out and check it out myself and everything looked normal until I opened up the refrigerator! a diet coke that was in the top very back of the fridge EXPLODED everywhere! it had frozen and just too much pressure! there was DIET COKE SLUSH EVERYWHERE!!!! it was almost 11 oclock which is way too late for me anyways but I couldnt not clean it because it would have been impossible to clean up after it had dried. I had to take EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING out of the fridge to clean up the mess. sooo, lessons learned: Don't have your fridge too cold, Don't put soda in the far back, and if youre in a bad mood staying up late to clean up a mess doesn't help in the morning!

but on a good note, I just had a really yummy breakfast for only 3 points!! Half a whole wheat sandwich thin with half a laughing cow cheese. I sliced up half a roma tomato and friend 1 egg with 1 egg white! Yuuuuummmmmm!

off to school! <3

You know its that time of the month....

i had this great idea for a blog post. i was going to vent, whine, complain, let everything out i have been holding in because i was just plain moody and frustrated when i got home. if its the stress from the next week that i can see ahead, if its because i was hungry or if it was because i can tell that i am mooooooooooody, im not sure exactly but earlier i wanted to let it all out. now that i am here trying to come up with all the things that were driving me crazy just 15 minutes ago, i cant now...

what happens to you when that time comes around?!

Well, here it is...

Ok so, I am going to put it all out there. I started Weight Watchers this week. I know some people may say, why the heck did you do that?! Or, you don't need to lose any weight!! And I know, I know I am very blessed and lucky because weight has never been a huge issue that I have had but for me, it is still an issue. I want to have a healthier lifestyle and feel comfortable in my own skin. I have always been someone with great confidence and I can honestly say I have never felt super self conscious in my own skin, but as of late, I have. I have found myself really beating myself up not because of a number but because of my energy level, the way my clothes fit (or don't) and just plain and simple, I am not comfortable!! I know I am not the only who feels this way sometimes, and truly its not about the number on the scale. Its not like I have to weigh a certain amount for me to feel comfortable but I want to fit into my jeans again, not wear dresses because I have too but because I want too. Or that my "fat" jeans are my tight jeans now!! I'm really sorry if it sounds like I am complaining, but these are my feelings right now, and I want to put them out there! Oo and its a support system, my mom and sister both started as well so we can all do it together. Its a great feeling to have really put a start to this and hopefully change these decision I have to consciously make into a healthier lifestyle. I am really starting to realize that what I do to my body now will have a huge affect on how I am when I am older and it would be better to get this under control now than later! thanks for listening. and if anyone else needs that extra push, I am here for you!! love you xoxoxo

Control...

I'm not really sure when it started. I don't remember always being like this... control. Sometimes it engulfs me. I have to be in a controlled situation, things need to be this way, not that my way is always the best but there has to be some kind of organization to what is going on. If you don't have things organized or put things where ever you want them to be you can never keep track of things. I have really been struggling with the idea of control lately. Things always seem to be out of control and I try to put them back and it just doesn't work. I am not sure why I let little things get to me but they do! I don't think I am obsessive about it, I just think that there is an order and people need to recognize it and follow it.

frustrated.

Tired of this Rain Cloud

I have been No Bueno at updated my blog with my cooking adventures or just anything. but this morning I have something to say, I just dont have to words to say it.

Not sure why I felt like I could come here but no where else seemed like it would matter. But O well... here come my words...

I guess I just have a lot on my mind. Why people do certain things or act certain ways? I cant keep up anymore! One day you are happy, one day you are not, one day you are friends, the next day you dont talk. Maybe its that ever occuring problem of expectations. everyone's are different, everyone expects certain things from certain people, but its funny when they expect so much from you, yet you dont get much from them. let me explain, its like people always expect the best, and the most from you, yet you dont get that from them. I dont want to live my life where people have to walk on eggshells around me. I dont want to be a kind of friend that people arent sure how my moods will be so they dont know if they should act one way or another around me. I dont want to bring other people down when they are having good days! I just dont want to take on other peoples burdens anymore. I feel like I am a sponge, I take on the vibes of others around me.

I want to brighten everyones days and lives. Even on my bad days, I want to be something good for someone else. I want to be a cup of joy that overflows for others to have my joy as well. I feel like this is something important, that this is something I truly can change because its a choice. I have a choice to be truly positive and up lifting to those around me. I have a choice to extend my hand to my friends even when they dont do it to me. I just want to be real good for people.

Im just tired of this rain cloud that gets tugged around. So I'm letting it go!

PS... I think I am starting my happy campaign once again! =)

Faceless Travels

Sooo I haven't been as good as I wanted to be with the whole Kate's Cooks but I was talking to a friend tonight, and looking through old writings and this came up... I thought I would post it here.

its intimate. its revealing. its me.

-The Faceless Travel

Im not much a writer but these are my words
They're going to form a story just of a world
It starts with a girl and will end with her too
The Mysteries held within are between me and you

Its hard to tell from where it begins
Because she didnt feel life until she met him
Life had happened before, just not in her heart
So lets begin, Lets take it from the start.

She traveled down roads some long and straight
Others more troublesome, she never knew til too late
Where she will end only he will know
So she kept on running down all the wrong roads.

Most roads undiscovered were pure in her eyes
Some she goes back to for the comfort of lies
Old wounds from old travels hold her captive to old ways
she tries to let go when she cant she just cries
"Listen to way I have to say!"

"You know that I need you here by my side,
to carry me through my life needs a guide
I need your grace, your comfort and all of your heart
you're what I've been needing, my life is ready to start"

There are places she goes but never alone
These roads once desperate, now careful to roam
With him by her side shes never afraid
She knows the paths that she wanders, he already paved

The sky not always blue, the grass not always green
She puts one foot forward, patient for the unseen
Each road has a treasue and secrets untold
Yet every encounter is a treasure alone.

She has her own struggles that you'll never know
She wants you to know why but she feels so alone
There are memories she has that she wished went away
She tries to breathe deep inside when she cant she just cries
"Listen to way I have to say!"

"You know my heart and even my mind
you are in my life but where are you most the time!
I know my life would be nothing, it started with you
but Im ready for more, can you give me that too!"

The wandering girl travels down yet another dark road
Not knowing who is waiting for her hand to hold
This is where she will meet the one he has for her
This is all she has asked for, its love she is sure.

They go on their way hand in hand
Some days it may pour, but they continue to stand
She knows what it is, what it is her heart feels
Shes been down this road but it wasnt this real

This girl and this boy dream of for forevers
She wants them to walk all their roads together
But somethings not there, it hold the boy back
She just wants to know what it is that she lacks?

The memories they make are her favorite of all
She hopes her love is enough, but she feels so small.
She wants the boys love but doesnt know the way
She tries to not lose herself but when she cant she just cries
"Listen to what I have to say!"

"How can it feel this way so good and so bad?
Sometimes I wonder does the boy miss what he had?
Now you need to tell me am I wasting 'for forevers'?
Or is this something the boy knows has always been a never?"

She needs that comfort of him and those words from his heart
Shes never questions what the boy has from the start
Here they are now but they came from such different places
She knows that their lives have been filled with different faces.

The struggles she has are all from before
She tries to forget them and move on to more
She hates to admit shes afraid from her past
She just needs to know their forever will last.

The boy has fears too its something she can tell
Her travels become faceless as her heart continues to swell
She has lost herself in the boy and all of his ways
She tries to be honest but when she cant she just cries
"Listen to way I have to say!"

"I cant promise you 'for forevers' and days of sunshine
but I can promise you this my heart is not mine
I have done what I can, I dont know what else I can do
But I guess its just one thing I will never hear from you."

Kate's Cooks 05

There are some things in life that make you grateful for the real people in your lives! I know that I appreciate real people who are willing to give new people a chance in their lives! "The night life is just not for me, all you really need is a few good friends"- is a line from the Format, but its just a great one, but not necessarily true! I totally believe you can have more than a few good friends, and even more true is the fact that you can have a few good friends from different groups of friends. I am soo glad that I surround myself with good people who are great friends.

For lunch I shared a greek salad and bruschetta from My Big Fat Greek with laurie and then for dinner Joey's mom made us Chicken and Broccoli stir fry! it was sooooo good!

For Breakfast today I had a nectarine and a special K bar! and for lunch it was subway's sub of the day for me!

I am glad I am doing this, even if its only for my own personal help because it is keeping me accountable and blogging! woo hooo!

xoxo

Kate's Cooks 04

So yesterday was my best friends birthday and so we spent the whole day making her feel like the special little lady that she is! But, I didn't do sooo great on meals!

For breakfast I ate a nectarine and after pedicures at my favorite little place, Pink Polish, we went to eat at Spicy Pickle, our favorite panini shop right by our apartment! Soooo good! Then we went to the Mission Palms Hotel for the day to Lay out and then out to eat!

We had some drinks by the pool and then chips for a snack and for dinner, Caffe Boa... Gosh, to think about it, I basically had the BEST DAY EVER yesterday! Almost all my favorite places, with my favorite girls!

But overall, it was a great time! No pictures of the food but I might put some pictures up later for fun!

xoxo

Kate's Cooks 03

I thought I would do a really quick note about yesterday!

Breakfast I had a nectarine and a special K bar with lots of water! Its soooo hot out I am drinking like a machine!

Lunch I made myself a salad with chicken, tomatoes, strawberries and feta cheese!


Then for dinner I made my parents dinner with my secret Teryaki chicken dinner sooo good! I "made" this recipe "up", I just didn't follow any other recipe for it but its really yummy!! I need to get better at taking pictures of stuff but woo hooo!

Kate's Cooks 02

Technically, its day 3! Hopefully I will get better and doing this right up after dinner but for now the following day will be good!

For breakfast I had a yummy cup of yogart, but really it wasn't that yummy... you know sometimes when you don't eat yogurt fast enough you don't want the last of it? that was my issue, but I finished it! Oo and before I went to class, yeep I said it, Class! I am in summer school... back on track, I had a Special K Vanilla Yogurt bar! Those things are my favorite right now, really sweet for a sweet treat!

Lunch, was a different story! I know I am supposed to budget but a HOT lean cuisine just didn't sound good on a day that started at 95 degrees at 6.29 in the morning! So I stopped by Dillys Deli and got the Mexi Wrap- I was able to use my Sun Dollars from school so I didn't spend any of my money, per say! But it was really yummy and totally hit the spot! Not so sure how healthy it is though!

And then for dinner, I had my friend Tai come over! Tai is a blessing for me this year because she is a new friend, but she is a good new friend! We have some things in common and I am sure as our friendship grows we will find even more things to share together! Not that I am Julia Child or anything, but Tai said she didn't know how to cook and since I am trying to test my skills I asked if she would come over for dinner with Joey, Nick and I!

I made chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and salad! Tai was kind enough to bring over some brownie mix for brownies, which I kinda ruined... hey I didn't say I was a baker!

Dinner turned out good, Joey rated it at an 8, he said it would have been a 10 with rice, but I can't make rice the way his momma does!

The recipe for the chicken was pretty easy all I did was got 5 chicken breast and pierced them so the marinade could soak into the meat. I covered them in a little garlic salt (I love anything garlic) and cracked pepper, and put them in a plastic bag! I had a Lemon Herb marinade left over so I poured that on the chicken and also sliced up 3 garlic cloves and put them in the marinade as well. I let it set for 45 minutes while I heated the oven to 400 degrees.

When the chicken was done I put it in my little pyrex dish (I need bigger ones, my sister got me a gift card to buy them for my birthday last year but I ended up getting dishes instead! Oopps) and covered it with italian bread crumbs, just a little not a lot! I let the chicken bake for about 30 minutes or until it looked cooked all the way through.

The salad was the Grand Parisian mix from Costco, its a fave of mine! Feta, candied almonds, and cranberries with a white balsamic, it all comes together! The corn was from a can and the mashed taters Tai Mashed! The only thing I did a little different to the potatoes was when they were boiling in the water I put a few garlic cloves in with it so when we mashed the potatoes the garlic got mashed right into them! My mom, sister emily and I discovered that a few weekends back and it made the potatoes soooo good!

Well that is my story and I am sticking to it!

PS... when making browines make sure you grease the pan!!! =/


I promise I will make you proud momma! haha

Kate's Cooks 01

Hiii! So today is my first day of trying to blog about my "cooking" adventures!
By doing this I am hoping that I will be able to actively keep up with blogging so my writing can improve and I have a comfortable place to go when my words need a place to go. Also, I want to have a more tangible way of being held accountable with achieving a healthier lifestyle and more comfort in my body! I also hope that by blogging about what I am cooking and eating will encourage me to try new recipes, make new recipes and want to cook more often so I can tell you about what I did, also I'm trying to save money so it helps to have a reason to cook and not just go out!

Today I made myself a sammich! It wasn't anything special, but it was still pretty good! One thing that I have done in the past is weight watchers and it really works when I am dedicated to it. One thing that I found is Nature's Own Double Fiber Whole Wheat bread, 2 slices of this stuff is only 1 point! I had low fat cheddar jack cheese with chicken breast sandwich meat and avocados! I also put a little bit of Ken's sun dried tomato dressing! I haven't eaten my cookies yet because my fruit and sandwich filled me up pretty good but hey this is just a start!

Ok so I didn't want to continue making tons of posts and so I decided I will do one a day for all meals or what not!

For dinner I was lazy and "made" pasta... aka I had a Bertolli Pasta Chicken Parmigiana and Penne. Joey didn't really like the chicken but liked everything else, I actually didn't mind the chicken. I had a small bowl of it with one piece of garlic bread and he ate all the rest with two pieces! Then for dessert we had watermelon in our "whip dip" aka a dilly of whip cream fat free and light strawberry yogurt mixed together! I didn't take a picture because joey will laugh at me if I tell him I am blogging about my meals but maybe one day you will get a look at my dinners!

Enjoy!!

This could be the start...

Lately I have been feeling that I am just meant to do so much more than I am... And I know its because its the truth, but it doesn't mean I can do it all right now. My time will come but until it does I am going to really enjoy my life! I want to make new friends, new memories, and just love life and everything that comes with it.

Today I was thinking while I was making my lunch... why don't I try to kill a few birds with one stone (figuratively speaking of course)

I am trying to do this new thing called, budgeting, I'm not sure if you have heard of it. Its hard... It sucks... I feel like I can't do anything but I am going to turn this into something fun! I want to make it a game almost to see what I can do for the least amount of money, re prioritize things in my life, and save a little money! One thing I was thinking about was what if I blogged about my cooking adventures!! Why I call them adventures is because I really don't know how things are going to turn out! But this is a way that I could be more active in my blog efforts, I can make myself a little more accountable about trying to achieve a healthier lifestyle and I can also give recipes to anyone out there that might be reading this thing.

Honestly, this is probably more of an interest to just myself but at least its up here!

Soo hopefully this works out!!

love love love

I don't know what i am supposed to be doing. but i know its something great! I know i have the potential to change my part of this world and i know it has to do with love. i want to show people what real love is, i want to love people that others don't want too. im not a person that has a ton of accomplishments under my belt, but i also don't think i am too young to start! i want to be someone that makes other people want to be and do better things for others and themselves. i want my passion for love to shine through me. i have been going through a change in my heart lately... a great change. but its not over, and it wont be for awhile i am afraid. i just have this underlying feeling that i am not doing what i should be with my life right now. i am neglecting my passions for the more comfortable route in life. i know what my one true passion is... and i want others to love my passion just as much as i do... i love to love...

Ooooooklahoma where the wind goes rushing through the plains....

Oklahoma... I am in the good ole state of the Pokes! I love this place. I love my big huge crazy family. I hate that it has to be funerals that bring us all together but I love every minute of being with my family. I am sad that I didn't grow up here and spend more time with everyone but I am so glad that I have the opportunities I have had. I love love love my family...

Its times like this I realize how very blessed I am. I have an amazing set of parents who come from caring, loving families. My dad's brother passed away and all my mom's brothers are coming to his funeral to support my parents. NOW that is LOVE.

I never question love because of the family I have come from. I will always have love with them...

There has been a crime...

There has been a crime! The victim...ME! The culprit... Target =[

After deciding I needed to get a valentines/anniversary card I thought Target was the perfect place to go... ooo was I wrong! only 30 minutes later I was 125.67 into the hole with my love for target! I did get some really cute yellow flats for 4.98! Who can't pass up shoes for 4.98!


I wish I didn't have such a love affair with Target.

#8!!!!!!

I completed #8 on my 101 in 1001 days list! and I am partially done with #7!

So I have been trying to read a lot lately! Not necessarily what I should be reading... Finance, Supply Chain Management, Legal & Ethical Business, yadda yadda

So far since Jan. 01.09 I have read 3 books!

I read:
The Shack by William P. Young- definitely a gripping book that pulls you in and gives your heart hope that you might be missing!

The Bright Forever by Lee Martin- ok this the book that helped me complete #8! Even though I would recommend any of these books, I actually recommended and gave this book to my roommate! It kept me on my toes. Its not the most hopeful and meaningful book, but it is a fictional book that keeps you turning the page. I think I enjoyed it so much because it was so honest and human. It was tragic, you were able to be sympathetic, angry, and feel for the characters that are telling you this story. Its definitely a different type of book, but these are usually the books I can read.

The Christmas Sweater by Glen "Edward Lee" Beck- this book is such a good and easy read! It makes you smile, it makes you cry, it makes you think about how you want your life to be and who you are in your life. Definitely recommend!

I am on my fourth book: The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama. I figured he is my new president, whether I voted for him or not, I want to know him and I think reading his book is one of those ways.

PS! I got a new haircut today! I love it! Celeste lightened my hair, layered it lots, but kept most of my length and she put a lot more blonde in it! Love love love it!

Hope all had a fabulous day!

Boooo

Just realized I missed yesterday so this can't be my full month but I will still try to stay on top of things!

The Rock

First and foremost, I suck at this. I don't know why I find it so hard to keep this thing updated but I guess it is just a habit I need to form because I truly believe communication is the best expression of the heart.

This is going to be the start of my full month of blog updating according to my 101 list! I really am going to try to do it... I'm kind of cheating since it is the shortest month of the year, but hey it still counts!

I think I just have a hard time coming to the blog world because I don't feel like what I have to say will matter but I guess it doesn't really matter! I just feel good after talking out my heart so that is why I do this.

Its funny that the more I start to grow up, the less patience I have for idiocy. I hate that people are so inconsiderate. I hate that as a human my first reaction to being hurt is to cause that person to feel how I have. I hate that I get irritated by little things when there are MUCH bigger problems in this world. I hate that I often wear my heart on my sleeve, open to the world and all its forces. I realize how hard it is to find true friends, and people that aren't just trying to benefit from you, or use you for convenience. I wish I had everything figured out. I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me I am on the right path to true happiness. I know that life is about learning, but sometimes I don't like what I have learned.


For being as young as I am, I am far too familiar with death than I should be. It's almost to the point that I can't show emotion over the situation right away because I know how it goes. You get bad news, you wait for phone calls, whether it be minutes, days, weeks or years you'll get that one fateful phone call. Then the logical side sets in, who do you need to call, what travel plans need to be made, what plan needs to be set into action. Then when you are alone, at night is when the grief strikes. Its when you are there with just your thoughts that the sadness takes hold, and sometimes you just don't know why.

I just want a break. I don't want to have to worry about doctors appointments and test results. I don't want to only see family because we've lost a part of our love puzzle that will not quite fit the same way again. I just want to wake up and be. Be worry-free. Be happy. Just be.

The hardest part of it all is that the rock you've watched your whole life crumbles in your arms and there is nothing you can do to piece him back together. nothing.

RIP Uncle Dean. 02.01.09 Love you...

Only Time Can Tell

No, time can't tell you anything that your history hasn't already shown you...

I can't wait for yoga tomorrow so I can work out some of the frustrations I have right now...

I know this doesn't make sense to most people but sometimes its best that way.

Holy Yoga

So after writing my 101 I have kind of stepped away from blogging. I don't know why I find it so difficult, I am not sure if it is because I feel that I have to write something truly meaningful and enjoyable for people to read. Or if it is because I don't feel like what I am doing with my life has that much significance to others. I work, I go to school, I sleep. But now I yoga!

For christmas I recieved a package of 2 weeks unlimited yoga, a yoga mat and an intro to yoga workshop. I came home from work yesterday and decided it was time to venture off into the world of yoga, alone.

WOW... it is phenomenal...

It was the most relaxed I have been since Lord knows when. I am a high stressed being. I worry, I fret, I grudge, I hurt, I everything you can imagine. But now I relax! I even woke up early on my day off (which is wednesdays) and I took another class this morning and will be going back tonight! It is not only relaxing, it is spiritual in whatever way you want to make it.

What is your intention they ask?

What is my intention? I want to be comfortable in my body, I want to find peace in this world, I want to find a place I can go and release everything else that is going on and just be. That is my intention for yoga.. and drop a few of these unwanted pounds... but mostly I want to go to yoga so I can just be.

Just be who I am. Just be who I am not. Just be.

Holy Yoga... I'm in love.