Whatever it takes...

I know it has been awhile since I have written on here.
Excuses are excuses.
I just haven't felt the urge to write.
Even now, I want to pour words onto the page but nothing seems to be there.

Here is my attempt at an update of life right now.
I am living and loving San Diego.
I had an interview earlier this week, it went really well.
It wasn't a dream job, but it was something so I could be working again.
I did really well at the interview, and I left thinking 'Well maybe that will work...'

I had been praying a lot about it.
Talking to friends and family, having them pray for answers for me as well. 
I moved to San Diego for a change.
For a challenge.

Was it God providing me with an opportunity?
Or was it me just taking the first thing that came in front of me?
Was the Lord leading my steps?
Or was I running ahead of his plan with impatience?
Was this a job that would help me in my goals?
Or would this just be some place til something better came along?
Would it be morally right to take the job knowing I want more?
Or is any other place going to call?

Well after the interview, I got a call-
They wanted me to go forward with the process to give me an offer
I was happy it went in my favor, but still felt uncertain about it.
Was I trusting the Lord? Really leaning on Him and giving it up to Him?
The next day, I got another call.
They chose to go with another candidate.
I knew it was God.
It was a blessing, because it really wasn't something I wanted.
It was a blessing to be considered.
But it was a blessing to be rejected.

I am not gonna lie, as much as I didn't want the job
I didn't want them to make the decision.
The rejection kind of stung a little bit.
And then panic set in...
Am I going to find a job?
Why did it happen this way?
Couldn't I have been the one to say no, I am not interested?

And I prayed.
Prayed for understanding, patience, guidance.

The moral of this story, if there is one...
I am praising Jesus, I wasn't offered that job.
It would have been easy.
It would have been fine.
But I didn't come here for easy and fine.
I want to serve and be a part of something bigger than myself.
I know the Lord has me.
I know He will take care of this situation, I just need to lean on Him.

I wrote this prayer the other night, and it is going to be my prayer for awhile...


I know the plans you have for me, and I trust You. 
I feel them working in my life already. 
I know it is for You and You alone. 
Lord, whatever it takes, let me be close to You. 
Let your heart dwell in mine, and what Your will is, over power any of my own desires and wants.
Lord, help me discover my gifts. 

Help me explore my purpose. 
Put people in my life, who will invest in me and shine Your light in my life.
God, I feel you moving mountains all around me.
I pray I continue to seek Your will, and Love in all that I do. 
Father God, I trust You and You alone. 
Thank You for Your never ending Grace in my messy life. 
Thank You for making my life beautiful and worthy through Your Love. 
Lord, whatever it takes, make me close to you. 

I pray even in trials, during the hard times- I praise the Lord for the good He is doing in my life.
I pray even in easy times, happiness in life- I praise the Lord for the good He is doing in my life.
I pray even in rejection- I praise the Lord for the opportunities He is opening and closing in my life.

Whatever it takes, make me close to you Lord.
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