I'm not really sure when it started. I don't remember always being like this... control. Sometimes it engulfs me. I have to be in a controlled situation, things need to be this way, not that my way is always the best but there has to be some kind of organization to what is going on. If you don't have things organized or put things where ever you want them to be you can never keep track of things. I have really been struggling with the idea of control lately. Things always seem to be out of control and I try to put them back and it just doesn't work. I am not sure why I let little things get to me but they do! I don't think I am obsessive about it, I just think that there is an order and people need to recognize it and follow it.



Tired of this Rain Cloud

I have been No Bueno at updated my blog with my cooking adventures or just anything. but this morning I have something to say, I just dont have to words to say it.

Not sure why I felt like I could come here but no where else seemed like it would matter. But O well... here come my words...

I guess I just have a lot on my mind. Why people do certain things or act certain ways? I cant keep up anymore! One day you are happy, one day you are not, one day you are friends, the next day you dont talk. Maybe its that ever occuring problem of expectations. everyone's are different, everyone expects certain things from certain people, but its funny when they expect so much from you, yet you dont get much from them. let me explain, its like people always expect the best, and the most from you, yet you dont get that from them. I dont want to live my life where people have to walk on eggshells around me. I dont want to be a kind of friend that people arent sure how my moods will be so they dont know if they should act one way or another around me. I dont want to bring other people down when they are having good days! I just dont want to take on other peoples burdens anymore. I feel like I am a sponge, I take on the vibes of others around me.

I want to brighten everyones days and lives. Even on my bad days, I want to be something good for someone else. I want to be a cup of joy that overflows for others to have my joy as well. I feel like this is something important, that this is something I truly can change because its a choice. I have a choice to be truly positive and up lifting to those around me. I have a choice to extend my hand to my friends even when they dont do it to me. I just want to be real good for people.

Im just tired of this rain cloud that gets tugged around. So I'm letting it go!

PS... I think I am starting my happy campaign once again! =)
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