The Good. The Bad. And the really really Bad.

Its hard to think about everything that has changed for me this year
without leaking from my eyes.

All the Good.
All the really really Good.

All the Bad.
All the really really Bad.

I am thankful for everything I went through this year. All the people who were there for me during 2010.  All the experiences I have learned from. The growth and process I have made, even if it is a two steps forward, one step backwards process.

All the Good.
All the really really  Good.

All the Bad.
All the really really Bad.

I wish I had more words, for my last blog of 2010. But they will have to come another time...

Here is to a New Year.
A new slate to start fresh.
Here is to the Good. The really really Good. The Bad. And the really really Bad. 

Here is to a new Me.
To continue the journey to becoming the best version of myself.

Its not all going to happen in just a few weeks, months or even a year...
This growth will continue.
Just hope in 2011 I can find people in my life to share and encourage that growth with
If it be family, friends or love, I am open for any kind of support.

Here is to a New Year with a lot of
The Good.
The really really Good.

and hopefully not too much of
The Bad.
or the really really Bad.


Love Love Love

Hope ft. Jason Mraz

This song is my new favorite.
I mean, the title is my life saying!

I may not have what it is singing about,
But eventually I will have that kind of Love again.

Until then I will listen to this song!


Storm of 2010


It wasn't necessarily my best year.
It started out calm.
Lifetime member of Weight Watchers. Snowboarding trips. Trip to San Diego for a Quarter Life Crisis then off the LA for the Ellen show. Repelling trip. Four wheeling days. Nights out with the girls.

Then the Storm of 2010 hit.

It was a hurricane of emotions. It was a tornado of fears. It was a flood of decisions. It was a complete downpour. It was like I was standing outside during this massive storm. Torn down. Pelted with debris. Broken. Beaten down. Sopping Wet. Drenched. Soaked to the Core. No way to avoid. Not possible to escape. The storm of 2010.

I had to pull it together to graduate college. This goal I had been working so hard to achieve. It was my first twirl in my storm. Traveling to California. Meeting new friends. OK days. Twirl, Twirl. Work trip to Oklahoma. Baby Showers. Good days. Bridal Showers. Moving into a new apartment. Bad days.  Slipping. Falling in the storm. San Jose for my best friends wedding. Brushing myself off, and dancing again. Learning lessons in trust. 24 Carat Gold Birthday. My Niece being born. Vegas. My life kept going on, even when the clouds were rolling in and out. The wind would change direction.

Slowly but surely, I was dancing in the biggest storm of my life. I am determined to keep dancing. It has been a long, hard, emotionally draining, growing process. I finally understand. I have to go through these lessons to get to my ultimate goal. I want to be the best version of myself that I can. I chose to face my storm head on. I will always choose to face the storms of my life head on. Even if it means I have to bring a few friends with me. The storms will not make a natural disaster of my life.

If that means I have pull up the rain boots. Put on the rain coat. So be it. I will wear the cutest rain boots and rain coat out there to dance in my storm.

I may slip. I may fall. But I will twirl in any storm to come, because the storm of 2010 made me stronger. It made me better. I am still getting there, but it helped open up the idea of the best version of who I am. 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
             It's about learning how to dance in the rain."


On Repeat

Natalie Closner- A little more

Pretty sure this is the third time I have blogged this song... It is just so beautiful!

where I yam...

It had kind of been one of those days.
I couldn't figure out where these emotions were coming from,
granted I am a girl and I usually can't figure that one out.

Its hard to verbalize what is going on inside my head.
Its even harder to verbalize what is going inside my heart.

I wish my heart could feel what my head knows.
And most days, for the most part, mostly it does...
I have grown so much, I was thinking to myself, I have grown so much in these 8 months.

Then it hit me... its been 8 months.
Its been one of those days because of what happened 8 months ago, today

I have grown so much
My heart is in a much different place
but, that doesn't mean it doesn't still make me think of where I was, that those feelings don't well up inside of me to think of what was and what is 

Its hard to remember that I am here because I was there
and I know here is the place I need to be
The right place is not always easy
The easy place is not always right
But regardless, I am really happy with my life,
Even when it is hard because I am trying to be in the right place for me.

I yam... who I yam... 

Oh, the Places You'll Go

Everyone needs a cheerleader
Sometimes you don't realize until its too late
Who your real cheerleaders are... 

Oh, the Place You'll Go- Dr. Seuss
"You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know. 
You'll get mixed up 
with many strange birds as you go. 
So be sure when you step, 
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act. 
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. 
And never mix up your right foot with your left."

Post Secret

Sometimes what you can't put into words.
Someone else can

They don't have to mean the same thing.
But they can move you the same way

I miss the times when my most important decisions was what to wear to school. 
I miss when I never doubted my dreams 
I miss when love was all you needed... 

Sometimes when you can't put into words. 
Someone else can. 

And it is exactly what you have been trying to say. 


*pictures found on PostSecrets Google Search


O Hooooly...

How does this happen EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR?

I know that Christmas is December 25th but it always sneaks up on me
the decorations go up, there is a different spirit in the air, green and red are everywhere
It comes and goes so quickly
But do we remember the real reason for the season?

Yes, I am talking about Jesus.
The God sent his only begotten son for us...
That this time of year, even with all the propaganda, Jesus shines through.

Even though each year, it surprises me. It comes too fast. It leaves too quickly.
I am trying to take a moment to remember the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

Happy Birthday little baby Jesus!


Confession of a Single Girl

Santa is here in only 2 more sleeps!!!

My confession is... Being single at Christmas time is not necessarily easy, but I am pretty distracted, so its not as bad as I thought it would be. There is an upside to it though.What is nice about being single at Christmas time... its a LOT cheaper! 

 Ho Ho Ho

Words of Affirmation

As I get older I realize how much I am filled up by words of affirmation

My family is very lovey
We hug, We love on, We cuddle
We say I love you, every chance we get

I know not all families or people are like that
But that is just who I am

When my family or friends tells me how much I mean to them, or that they love me
It just fills my heart right up

I am overflowing, but never full!

Keep the love coming!


Quote of the Year

"You are unrepeatable. 
There is a magic about you
that is all its own...."
-D.M. Dellinger

Never stop believing that!


I wouldn't say that Katy Perry is my favorite but...

I think this could be one of my many theme songs for 2010!


A few things...

I was thinking today about a few things that I have learned over the last year.
Thought maybe I could share a few with you..
Some are serious, some are funny but over all they are what they are..
Just a few things I have learned

1. Friends are like seasons, they come and go. Come in your life when you need them most. Sometimes they will stay for a long time (kind of like the heat in Arizona right now! Can it please be winter already!?) But... Its Ok! Its ok if your best friend isn't your best friend anymore because you have grown up and grown apart. Doesn't mean your love has changed for them.

2. Heartache is NOT, I repeat, NOT a terminal illness. As much as it might feel/seem like it at first... It is something you cope with, heal from, learn from and get better from. Its a really hard life lesson, but I think its an injustice if you don't experience it once. April Showers, Bring May Flowers... You can grow flowers from where dirt used to be (Kate Nash- Merry Happy) You will get better from heartache I promise <3 

3. Bad decisions do not define you. They just add to your character.. if you learn from them the right way.

4. Pampering, rewarding, splurging on yourself is a MUST. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. To stay sane, and happy don't deprive yourself of the little things you deserve.

5. Flaming Hot Cheetos are ALWAYS a bad idea. No matter how long its been since you've had them last they will still give you heart burn and its just a bad idea.

6. Standing up for yourself is one of the most empowering things. Who cares if the person never responds. Who cares if they get mad at you for telling the truth.  If you are doing it for the right reasons, and with your heart in the right spot... Stand Up for Yourself!

7. Regardless of how hurt I have been, I will ALWAYS believe in L.O.V.E.

8. Taco Tuesdays are a must! Even if you don't eat Taco's, have taco tuesdays with your best friend, every tuesday! It does amazing things for your friendship.

9. Music answers all the questions you didn't know you had about life.

10. Shoes really could be a girls best friend... unless you are in Vegas, then they are your worst enemy by the end of the night!

I think this is a good start to my list!

To Be Continued...



I am borderline shopaholic.
I shop when I am:
but I love to buy presents at Christmas time.
I love coming home with bags upon bags with a special reason for each one... 

Really at any time, but I love to buy the perfect gift that the person didn't even know they wanted!
That is my favorite part of Christmas!


Shoe Accessories!?

O.M.G. if you know me.. even just a little
you know I love shoes.. like really really love shoes
especially heels, even though  I don't wear them as often as I would like!

Well my best friend, who has a make up blog that you should all follow, knows me best of all.

She sent me this link to ban.do line- shoe clips

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I need these hearts! ahh just so cute. love love it!

Or these pink pom poms...

*All the pictures I got are from the ban.do line website! 

I have been wanting these shoes... and I would buy them just to buy those pom poms...

Ahhhh I just love shoes!



Be a solution. Not a problem.

Life will just be easier if you are always working towards an answer rather than adding to a problem.



Dear Lily,

You have only been in my life for 9 weeks now, and I have never felt so much love for someone. It is so instant. It is irreplaceable and indescribable. To see how you are just constantly changing and growing, I can not wait to watch you in all stages of your life! You light up my life Lily. You bring me so much happiness and I just can't have a bad day when you are around.

I am beyond blessed to be your Auntie. I can't wait for you to grow up and for us to have fun days together. I love to talk to you and be with you. I am sorry I didn't know how to dress you in clothes today after I changed your diaper. Its our first time hanging out just the two of us, so I promise I will get better at it. You are my favorite little Lily! You are so precious and I couldn't imagine my life without you! I will always be here for you Lily. I will listen when you need an ear. I will give you advice when you need it. Take you for ice cream when you are sad. And shopping just because. I will love you forever and ever and always.

Lily you bring light to our family. And it will never be the same because of you.


Rihanna - What's My Name? ft. Drake

Ok one last one...
I am loving this one right now.

Waking Up In Vegas

I wanted to write a blog for each day this month but I missed yesterday because I was waking up in Vegas!

Vegas is a beautiful chaotic town
It truly never sleeps
Brings together the most unlikely people
and in a weird way teaches you about people

Vegas you were a great time and I hope to see you soon...


Committed: Apologize

Music has saved my heart these last 8 months...
it has helped me heal
it has helped me deal with my feelings
it has just been there for me

I saw this on and wow....
So Good!


Change is the only constant...

I was talking with one of my WW buddies this morning about the new plan that WW introduced this month.
It changes a lot of stuff, it is taking some getting used too, and for the most part we all have our heels dug deep into the ground!

What is it about change that we all fear so much?
If you look back on a time in your life where there was change, and look at your life now... for the most part it is better. You are better.
For the most part, change is rarely wanted
We are all comfortable, things are easy, we are content...

Change causes us to re examine our lives, how we are living, what we are doing.
For most people, its hard to be really honest with ourselves.
Sometimes, its really hard to accept that change is exactly what we need

This year I feel like I have done a lot of changing.
I am changing, being molded, working on being the best version of myself possible...

How are you accepting change?


Some things never change..

Dave Barry: 16 Things That Took Me 50 Years to Learn...

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

I will always dislike, despise, loathe driving because of this...

If you are going to get over- use your blinker
If you are going to drive slow- stay out of the fast lane
If you are going to merge- go with the flow of traffic
If you are going to keep 10 car lengths between you and the car in front of you- don't slam on your breaks when someone gets in front of you

I am an above average driver... so you should listen to me



we all want it.
We all need it, even crave it.
Yet why is it so hard to actually utilize it.


Santa's Coming to Town

There are only 18 days left in this holiday shopping season...
and so far I haven't done any shopping! eeeek!
How is it that every year you know exactly what day Christmas is, but it always sneaks up on you!

I love when I see something somewhere, and think hey! I can make those! Somethings I find, I know someone can make but just not me!

If you are looking for some fun things to buy your honey, sister, mom, or friend this year I would definitely check out Etsy.com

The stuff on there is just amazing, and most the time they are one of a kinds so the person you get it for won't see everyone else wearing it around!

Its been a busy day at work today, but I wanted to take a little time to look around Etsy...

I know I live in Arizona, but I love to bundle up in the winter and I am LOVING this WishBone Cowl scarf!

It comes in all different colors
I personally love the Vanilla Cream, Fig or Mortar

These aren't as useful but I sure do love what it says!
Love Love
These are easily made, actually my sweet friend Megan made me a couple after we saw them in a store but I just think these are so cute and a simple gift idea!

Buttons...  I love Buttons

  Ok last one for now... I just love the creativity on Etsy...

Love the Turquoise, Burnt Orange and Eggplant
 These are just a few Christmas options for those special ladies in your life! So fun and original!

Happy Shopping!


*all pictures were found on the Etsy website... the link below the pictures will take you exactly to the seller!*


The Little Things

I have always known that great things come in little packages,
I mean.. I am only 5'3- thats pretty little...

But, I have just realized this year how simple things leave the greatest impact
A card in the mail during a tough week
A text during finals week
A little present to say thank you
Sending someone something they mentioned on a side note and they don't even remember telling you they wanted it
Flowers for no reason...

it is the little things that stick
it is the little things that feel best to give and recieve

It is the little things in life that I look forward too.



This year, I have realized that maintaining friendship is a very important aspect of building and keeping relationships.
It is easy to make new friends, but the real test is if you maintain that friendship.
I am realizing that people come in and out of your life for a reason
There are seasons of friends, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

I am grateful for all the people I have met in my life and have called friends.
If I see them daily, weekly, monthly, or every 6 months, a year
They have helped mold me into the best possible me
Taught me life lessons
Made memories with me
Been ears to talk to
And given me advice when I didn't want to hear it

I have also realized this year, I have a limit to being a friend
I want to be the best friend that I can be to someone
But I need them to want to do that as well
I realized this year, that I need my friends to want to be my friends
if they don't, that is totally fine but I can't continue to be the only one giving
It might be selfish but I just noticed how much I have let people walk over me
And I want to stand up for myself
I want my friends to treat me how they want to be treated

Friendship is such an important ingredient in who I am
I take pride in trying to be a good friend
Are you treating your friends, how you want to be treated?



There is just something special about this time of year
The holiday spirit, red starbucks cups, cold crisp weather
The gift buying and giving, helping others, sharing in laughter
But, I know it is a hard time for people who have lost loved ones, lost love,
are alone or surrounded by people
We all have our reasons for the feelings we have during this time of year

I think a lot of it its because of the memories we hold
Memories are a blessing and a curse sometimes
Sometimes they keep you up at night, or in bed all day
Sometimes they bring warm feelings and a smile to your face.

Memories are funny like that
I would never want to take away my memories
They are precious, and I hold them so dear to my heart
but sometimes, I wish I couldn't remember how good the good was, because I can't remember how not so good the not so good was...


Big Picture

Life is about this Big Picture, that I believe, we rarely think about but are constantly consumed with.
Every decision, every experience is just one puzzle piece in the Big Picture.

So do you make your decisions with a Big Picture perspective
Do you make your decisions for the now, realizing it could, will, might change your Big Picture?

It seems like a vicious cycle.
You have to live for the now, because well it is now.
But you have to keep the Big Picture in mind
Does this particular situation, decision, experience work you towards or away from your Big Picture?

I am realizing how hard life is.
Its hard to make the right decision
but, its even harder to know what the right decision is...

I don't know exactly how my Big Picture will turn out.
I know some of my puzzle pieces that will complete it are not the same size...

Some pieces are bigger because they have helped mold me into the best version of myself 
Some pieces are smaller because they just put a small shift in my direction towards my ultimate goal

I imagine my Big Picture as one of those collage pictures that you can take small pictures of your life, and if you look at them individually the are something different, but when you step back and look at it, you see a different picture completely...

I don't know what my Big Picture looks like

So, I will live in the moment, realizing, these small moments now have a BIG impact later...

*Sorry for all the repetition with Big Picture



With the end of the year almost here
I am going to do some reflecting on as many different things as I can.

Tonight I just am thankful for the growth I have had this year.
Growing pains... they aren't easy.
Most of the time they are completely uncomfortable, but I keep coming out as a better version of myself.

And ultimately, that is exactly what I want to be...


Breathe In. Breathe Out.

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
You know what you need to do.
You don't know how to know, but you know...

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
You have made it this far
Too far forward to ever go back.
Too far to turn around and run back to where you were.

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
You can do this.
You are strong enough to do this for YOU.

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
It isn't going to hurt like it did before.
It is just one step forward for the best possible you...

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
You will look back on this day
You will look back and know that this was a day you chose YOU...
You will look back at this milestone
and You will know you did the best you could.

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
You are worth it.
You deserve all the happiness, love, support, encouragement in the world
This is about YOU, and that is ok

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
One step forward, and another
Don't look back.
Keep your eyes forward, keep your focus straight
You are doing this for you...

Breathe In.
Breathe Out. 


I'm here............................................................You're There

"Absence is to LOVE, what wind is to a flame:
it extinguishes the small, and enkindles the great." 

I just found this one, and I really love it
It says exactly what I have been needing to hear.



It's easy most of the time.
There are times that it seems so long ago.

Then there are times that its not so easy
Today is one of those days
I am not sure what triggered it because its been so long
since I have even thought about it .
But today, was just one of those days.

Its not always easy
But most the time it is
Today is not like most times...


Confession of a Single Girl

So I would say in many ways I am your typical girl
I love chick flicks, and romance
I love getting dressed up and dolled up
I love pedicures, shopping, getting my hair done
Shoes, I love shoes...

but in some ways, I'm not your typical girl
I love to be outdoors, hiking, fourwheeling, camping (in moderation)
I love to watch and talk sports
and I don't really care for weddings and bridal/baby showers

I don't know what it is. Maybe its because most that I have been
to aren't my friends. But, I hate the awkwardness of not knowing
everyone in the crowd, and being forced to talk small talk with
friends you haven't seen in years that don't really seem to want to
talk to you. Its just one of those things that I am trying to enjoy
but more and more I realize I don't! haha

That is my confession for the day... I don't really like weddings or bridal/baby showers... one day I am sure I will but right now I don't care for them! eeeek!

Love the Fall

As I have mentioned before, I am very much like my mother.
We are both pretty needy, we both talk a lot when we want too
We laugh at a lot of the same stuff, and I even have some of her good looks
but one thing we both really really love is Fall!

The colors, the smells, the weather, the decorations, the holidays!
All of it, we just love! This season always makes me think of so many things
The people in my life I am thankful for
The God that I love, who has created all of this
The memories I have made in the past during these times
All the yummy holiday treats

There always seems to be a change in spirit around fall
Everyone is a little cheerier (unless it includes shopping at the mall, which I refuse to do after november until January unless absolutely necessary)

I just can't believe it is already November!
Ten months of the year 2010 have already passed
Where does all the time go?


Oldies, but Goodies...

I am in an oldies kind of mood.

Growing up my family had a Best of Motown CD, we would always play it while we did sunday cleaning somehow, we always ended up in the kitchen singing along with the songs using utensils as our microphones...

I loved those days. I love these memories with my family

Here are a few of the favorites

The Four Tops- I can't help myself:

The Temptations- Ain't too Proud to Beg

Bill Withers- Ain't No Sunshine when she's gone



I love this song... and it is so true..
No More Settlin' for anything less than everything


Let the Countdown begin...

Since I can remember, life has always been a countdown
It was a countdown to Christmas break, Spring Break, Summertime
Countdowns to birthdays, vacations, concerts or sleepovers

People count months, years, decades of anniversaries
We count down time til we see our friends who live far away, family who live in other states.
It is always a countdown to something in the future
Once we know how to look forward towards something
That's all we seem to do

Having a new baby in the family has given me a whole new perspective
Whether it be on life, love, family
Its an eye and heart opening experience
To re-evaluate what I am living my life for...

Since my niece arrived, I don't want to countdown...
I don't want her to grow up too fast
She has already changed so much, life is happening too quickly with her here
I want to enjoy everyday that she is here, I don't want to miss a thing from counting down my life...

As I wrote earlier, life is all about timing
Life for me could be a countdown...
I could countdown til May (One year since graduation/a year of being single)
Countdown the holidays, trips, Birthdays

But I am not going to count my life down
I am going to live my life to the fullest
Welcome each day and only look forward to the events of those days

Never too much to ask...

 I couldn't have said it better... 

"I am looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous. Inconvenient. Consuming. Can't live without each other LOVE."- Carrie Bradshaw 

I am not saying that I expect it to come right away...
It will take time, and I am more than ok with that 
I just know that I am ready to start that journey again

But, I think this is the kind of love that everyone desires.
The kind of love that everyone deserves 
The kind of love that I want to give someone...

Natalie Closner - A Little More

I am not going to settle on an ordinary life
I am not going to forfeit a BIG love 
What I want, what I deserve is worth waiting for
Regardless of how short or long it takes
I will not settle, ever again...

This song is just so beautiful to me.
It spoke so much truth to me during a tough time
Too good not to share.

Thanks Manders for sharing it with me when I needed it most! xoxox



Ohh Ray.

Ray LaMontange- Crazy (Gnarls Barkley Cover)


Happy Birthday Miss Lil!

My niece was born today. The adventure is about to begin. I can not imagine life without her here!

Lily's Mimi and Poppa <3

It is an amazing feeling. I had no idea your heart could explode from love.
That you could be so filled with joy, love, hope, fear, excitement, worry with one sight of that little bundle of perfection.

She is perfect. absolutely. not denying it. perfection.

The love I have for her is undeniable. strong. pure. big. true. unconditional. LOVE.

God, thank you for this precious gift in my life. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to love someone this special. Thank you for putting Lily in our lives, but especially my life. The hole that I had in my heart, was instantly filled with the love I carry for her. I love this little one more than life itself already... 


Send Me The Moon

I am obsessed with this whole CD but I am especially loving this song right now...

"I can live with your Ghost, if you say that's the most I'll get"

Timing is everything...

One thing that I am learning is
Life is ALL about Timing

There is a reason that the moments in our lives happen when they do. 

It took me some time to figure this one out
I am a control freak, I want to know who, what, when and where life is going.

Most of the time, I don't want to wait for timing... but its not up to me.
Life happens when it is supposed to happen
Every small moment in our lives, even if it doesn't seem significant, shapes who and what we become.

Sometimes, timing is not always right.
But one thing I am learning, timing is never wrong.

It is what it is.

But, 90% of life is about timing
so instead of wishing away my time, I am just going to embrace it, and make the best of it that I can.

I am living life for the first time in a long time
to its fullest...
I want to always live life to the fullest.


I am so blessed by the friendships I have
I have a core group of girlfriends that I am beyond grateful for
They have my back, through it all, some are newer friendships, others have blossomed through college, one has even come back in my life from when we were kids.
I have the most amazing group of girls, and God truly put them in my life when I needed them most.

This weekend, though short, we were able to escape from the city, go up to the beautiful Red Rock country of Sedona, and just spend quality time together.
These memories we are making are ones I will hold on too for life.

Marisa and I, had to make a quick trip back down to the Valley this morning because my precious niece has decided she wants to come out and party with us!

My sister is in labor! ahhhhh so excited!

As I sit here and wait to get the call to go to the hospital, I am going to post some pictures of Sedona, reflect on life, and just be thankful for everything that I have going on.

Love to love you all... xoxo

My Loves

Truly surrounded by some of God's best creations

With my girls at top of Schnebly Hill Vista in Sedona 

Thanks for all the wonderful memories girls


Amore... Love... Ahave...

L is for Love.
Its no surprise that I love love.

I say it in almost every post, I talk about it all the time
Its my word
I just believe in Love
and nothing will stop me from it
no amount of heartache, or disappointment
I know its what I was meant to do...

One of my precious friends, Lauren , Loves love as much as I do!
I think this is why we both get along so well
Lauren always has a smile on her face
and a comforting Hug to give.
She is intentional and I just love to be around her and soak up her sunshine

She recently posted a picture that one of our friends sent her from New York and I just couldn't stand not reposting it!

Thanks Lauren for sharing in Love with me! xoxo

I'm doin this!

My sweetheart of a gal pal Rachael sent this over last night, how precious is this? I wanna make one just like it and post it all over!

Thanks, Rach! xo

Happy Things

These things make me happy:

leaving my apartment and the air being cold on my skin

halloween oreo's- the only ones I buy

flowers unexpectedly, lillies preferably


late night phone calls

crunching leaves

fall... i love the fall

love, i love love...

sending letters

Punk goes Crunk cd

Buying new gym clothes

Ray LaMontagne


Yet another one...

Another Lesson I am learning through this process of rediscovery is...

You don't always get what you think you want, but its probably because God and the universe are opening you up for what you truly deserve, which is almost always better than what you thought you wanted.

As the Great Garth Brooks says:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayer


On Repeat...

possible new theme song... I think so.
Next Best Thing- Nikki & Rich


Happy Birthday!

This post is going to be two different ones combined...

Today is my momma's birthday! She is 21 for the 32nd time! And I could not be more blessed by someone in my life. Yes, there are times when we both drive each other crazy.
But I am more and more like my momma everyday.

For instance. yesterday I was stressing out about something, then my mom picked me up and she was stressing out about something too, and in my head I was just laughing at us because we do the same thing.

My mom is really good at making everyone she is around feel special. I feel so lucky to know, she passed this down to me. I might not do it as well as she does, but she taught me to love people how they feel loved and I am trying to perfect it at a young age!

My mom is my hero for so many reasons.
She never forgets stuff
She always loves
She laughs at herself
She is an encourager
She worries far too often
but one of the biggest reason my momma is my hero is because she is my survivor...

*this is the other part of the blog I wanted to do*

Its October... If you are watching football, walking through the mall, grocery store, anywhere you will see PINK
Its Breast Cancer Awareness Month-

Here is my Breast Cancer story...
My aunt passed away of breast cancer in 2001.
Its one of my earliest memories of the situation.
It was my mom's sister, my mom's best friend really
It was my Aunt Dee- always happy, always smiling, always with the best shoes!
Since she had passed, I would always think about Aunt Dee, everytime I buy a new pair of shoes I think of her and how she would probably love them!


April 29,2008
My dad called my sister and I, and told us to come to the house.
I didn't realize this day would change my life so drastically... all of our lives actually
I made my sister drive because I couldn't really think straight.
I don't really remember everything because it was kind of a blur
but I do know, when you see those people collapse because they are devastated its because their knees just buckle...
as dramatic as it seems, it just happened.
They told us, she had Breast Cancer...

it was the scariest  moment in my life.
This is MY mom, this can NOT be happening
then you feel like you are ALL alone, the only family going through this

But truth is we arent, we aren't the only family thathas been through this.
we went through surgeries, chemo, radiation...
I was the emergency contact on my mom's medical forms and I was the baby of the family

We picked out wigs, went to classes on what to expect, golden spoon after surgeries
as awful as this situation was for my momma, she was always OUR rock.
I know she leaned on my dad a lot, but to us kids she could do anything

She walked the breast cancer 3day, 12 days out of chemo!
Bald head, never slept in a tent, sick from the chemo
walked EVERY STEP of the 60+ miles (the trail is 60 miles but you walk from 530am on a friday to 530pm on a sunday anywhere you go)
without complaining, mind you!

its been over two years since that time in our life
I am a different person from it, as is my momma
but her story is so powerful
She encouraged so many people in their lives by sharing her experience

Thank you for being my survivor
You never know how much I love you.

To all the Survivors, Fighters, Family Members, People who lost their battles... you are not alone. there is only love for you. we will beat this all together. 


I just like this song...

I am not necessarily at this point, but I just really like this song :)

Lady Antebellum
Ready to Love again:

 Seems I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognized my own reflection, no
Scared of love, but scared of life alone
Seems I've been playin' on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me, oh
But it's time for me to let it go.

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

Just when you think that love will never find you
You run away but still it's right behind you, oh
It's just something that we can't control

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

So come and find me
I'll be waiting up for you
I'll be holding out for you tonight

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready, ready to love again.

To have expectations or not...

Is it better to have expectations and be disappointed
To have no expectations and never be disappointed?

I feel like I just can't win lately, and I am constantly disappointed in people I thought I could put my trust in.
I want to believe that all the people in my life have their own expectations
and that they want to live those expectations for others and themselves.
Maybe I am wrong... But I don't want to not expect people in my life to treat me how they would want to be treated...

just super disappointing


Pet Peeves...

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is....

when people don't text you back! I mean, really how rude is that?!
I know we are all busy people, sometimes it takes time to text someone back, but how little do you care about someone that you can't just spend the 15-30 seconds to respond to a text or call a person if you don't like to text.

The joy of texting is that you can talk to someone all throughout the day when it is easiest for you and you can't talk on the phone. If you don't know if someone is busy and don't want to interrupt, you can text them and they can respond when its best for them. But not texting a person back is just rude because we all know that everyone lives with their phones as their inspector gadget hand!

I get that talking on the phone is more personal, and I am getting better about talking on the phone. But, texting someone to let them know you are a thought in their day is one of the best feelings. Looking at your phone to see that your love has text you, always puts a smile on your face. Talking on the phone is great, but it doesn't last all day like texting can... that might just be what I am used too, but I don't think its a bad thing... 

not texting someone back is just plain rude, and annoying...

One Year Anniversary

One year ago today, I made one of the best life decisions with my momma!
I joined Weight Watchers, because I wanted more for myself!

Today, I felt proud, that I stuck to this lifestyle change for an entire year!

So today, Happy One Year Anniversary Momma! We did this together, all year, and I wouldn't want another partner in this!

Here is to lots more years!


Happy Things

In no particular order, these things make me really happy!

Peanut Butter M&Ms- blue ones to be exact

Reading outside at the park

Snuggling up in a blanket to watch a movie

Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup - yummmmmm

Sharing in someone's Passions

Getting Pedicures

Starbucks, especially during the holidays!

Surprise "Thinking about you" texts

Laughing til your stomach hurts with friends


Confessions of a Single Girl

I really don't know how to play the game.
I am way too open and trusting, and I assume everyone wants that too.
Even to be a friend, there seems to be some kind of game

But I am learning, its all about the chase
And I need to learn how to play the game a little bit better

Or I am always going to end up disappointed.

Learning Lessons

This new season of my life I am learning a lot of lessons.

Mostly, I am learning that God really is trying to teach me thing that I have always ignored.
I have never let my guard down as much as I have in these last five months.
I have never had so much fun with my friends, getting to know new people, and rediscovering myself.
I really like to communicate with people. But I am learning, not all people like to communicate.
I am an open book, but I am learning I need to close my book and be selective of who I let into my story.
Heartbreak hurts, but great friends make it better.
It is what it is. There's not to much control I have but over myself, and even that isn't always certain.
Don't always put your trust in people, they tend to just disappoint you
I don't always know what I want, but I know what I don't want
I am meant to love, and will some day find someone who wants to love me back
Life is hard, Life is painful, but I will live it to the fullest
I need to learn to let go
I think way too much, all the time...
I want to start Yoga again, to clear my thoughts
I am learning a lot of life lessons during this season of my life, I won't take this time for granted. 


Speak the Truth

'Let it be Me'

Let it be Me- Ray LaMontagne

There may come a time, a time in everyones life

Where nothin seems to go your way
Where nothing seems to turn out right

There may come a time, you just cant seem to find your place
For every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face
Thats when you need someone, someone that you can call.
And when all your faith is gone
Feels like you cant go on

Let it be me
Let it be me

If its a friend that you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Feels like your always commin on home
Pockets full of nothin and you got no cash
No matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand
Reach out for something and they slap your hand

Now I remember all to well
Just how it feels to be all alone
You feel like youd give anything
For just a little place you can call your own

Thats when you need someone, someone that you can call
And when all your faith is gone
Feels like you cant go on

Let it be me
Let it be me

If its a friend you need
Let it be me
Let it be me


I wish...

I have so much to say in my head but I can't find the words for it.

I wish I could say it all.


Never Forget

With all the other things going on in life, sometimes we forget to say Thank you to all the soliders, and their families for the endless sacrifices they give on a daily basis for our freedom and lives.

Nine years ago today, my mom woke me up and told me that one of the twin towers had been hit. I remember rolling out of bed, not really sure what she was talking about and going into our living room and watching the news and seeing the events of that day unravel. I was in the ninth grade. The junior high I went to wouldn't let us watch the news during the day. But my english teacher Mrs. Ruiz turned it on for us and let us watch it.

It is one of those moments, when this day comes around each year, as adults we will look back at this time in history and can tell the story of where we were that exact moment. Even 25 years from now.

Thank you to all the soliders, and their families for keeping us safe. I pray for the families that lives were deeply changed that morning. And for a nation under God.

"She's Walking Away"

Happy Saturday!

Confessions of a Single Girl

Confession of a Single Girl

I am loving how my life is right now. I love not having to worry about anyone else. I love not having to suppress myself because someone else isn't like me. I am loving this new freedom a lot, and its going to take a great Man for me to think about getting into anything serious in the future. So until then, I am just going to keep living my life how it is! 

"Compare where you are to where you wanna be and you'll get nowhere"- Sara Bareilles, Uncharted

Penny for your Thoughts

I just have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now so I thought I would write them down.

-I have the best friends in the world; I hope everyone has friends like mine.
-I may not know what I want completely, but I know what I don't want
-Yes, girls are complicated, but boys are just as complicated.
-Men on the otherhand, much more simple. I am looking for simple, thank you!
-I have a new favorite quote and encouraging word- "You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own..." -D.M. Dellinger
-I really want eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns
-I didn't know I could be this happy after being so broken
-This year, is going to be the best one yet because I am going to make sure it is
-I have the best momma and poppa a girl could ask for
-Your birthday is the best day on facebook... I am a love whore and I felt SO loved by all the comments.
-I love to be loved on
-I am loving being able to live my life how I want too
-Music has the answer to any question you ask
-"My heart won't tell my mind to tell my mouth what it should say"- Zac Brown Band, As She's Walking Away
 - I want to always live life how I am right now


The other F Word

Ok, not that F word... again

But I have the very best friends in the world.
Today has been an exceptional day!
I have felt so much love and gotten little surprises all day!
I am so blessed and thankful for all of you!

I wouldn't have been able to get through these last few months without you!
Love Love Love!

Dear Year 24

Before I blow out my candles
I wanted to let you in on my wishes for Year 24 

I pray for a hunger to live life to the fullest 
I wish for contentment and enjoyment in the simpliest thing 
I want to spend as much time with friends and family 
I would love to find someone to love, but its all on God's plan so if its not supposed to happen this year, I can live with that. 

I pray for fun memories with new friends, old friends, and family 
I wish that I will take advantage of the opportunities I am given 
I want to find myself in this 24th year of my life 
I would love to be happy. truly happy. 

I pray for health, happiness, and good things for my family, friends and self 
I wish for shoes. lots of shoes :) 
I want to cross off some items on my Adventures List! Anyone want to help me, let me know!
I would love to go through this 24th year, and be able to look back on it as my best year yet! 

Ok, Time to blow out those candles!


Kaleidoscope Heart

A lot of my girlfriends have been ranting and raving about the new Sara Bareilles album.
I have to admit, I am a huge fan of it!
Some of the songs really hit home, and today is one of those days that I will just play this song on repeat.

Gonna Get Over You
Sara Barreilles
Kaleidoscope Heart


Should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I?
Layin' down the law that I live by,
Though maybe next time

I've got a thick tongue,
Brimming with the words that go unsung
Simmer then the burn for a someone,
A wrong one

And I tell myself to let the story end,
My heart will rest in someone else's hand
My 'why not me?' philosophy began,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,

Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me
Keep me when I'm hurting and make me,
Hang from your hands
Well, no more,

I won't beg to buy a shot at your back door
If I make it at the thought of you, what for?
It's not me anymore

And I'm not the girl that I intend to be,
I dare you darling, just you wait and see
But this time not for you but just for me,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,

I stand corrected,
I know too well
And now it's much too late for you for me as far as I can tell,
Oh I say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,


Confessions of a Single Girl

Every girl wants their own version of Sex and the City.
Maybe not the sex in the city, but the idea of Big Love, the friends, the clothes... the SHOES

Who do you like better, Big or Aiden?
Recently I have been watching season four with one of my close girlfriends
I have decided I want to find my Aiden... Not so much my Big...

but my confession is:
Sometimes we are so worried about finding our Big or Aiden...
We forget to find our Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charolette.

I am going to stop worrying about my Aiden, he will come...
I am going to find my girls, and hold them close to my heart! I already know who they are...
Lets add to all the memories we have started!

"Trends come and go, but friendship never goes out of style"

The last year...

This will be the last year of my life that you will be apart of it.
Since I was 19, you were there.
24 will be a new year, full of new adventures, new experiences and new trials.

I know that on my big day, I will be surrounded by tons of friends and loved by my family.
I am really looking forward to it...

But I can't help to feel this gapping hole next to me- where you should be
I wish I could change how I felt, because I am happy. I truly am very happy.
But that void- is a huge place to fill.

Just one more milestone

Last Days of 23

This 23rd year of my life has brought all kinds of experiences.
I had my heart severly broken
I am finding myself after four years of being someone else's someone
Another year of my momma being a survivor
I am a college graduate
I am a super child aka adult... kinda

All of these things make me who I am today, they all play a significant role in who I will be in the future.
Here are 23 lessons I have learned over my 23 years (or mostly this year) :

23. Don't read into things boys do or say: you will always end up disappointed.
22. A card can say so much, send out a card to a friend whenever you can.
21. Just because I am nice to you does not mean I am interested or that I want to take you home to Momma and Poppa.
20. Country music always helps a heart heal
19. Learn to laugh at yourself- the best ways to do this are hanging out with friends, spending time with famiy, having mini dance parties alone, and just don't take anything too serious.
18. When you need a friend most, be a friend... it kills two birds with one stone
17. Count your blessings every day, and let them know they are being counted
16. Do not judge too quickly, be quick to forgive, give second chances when they are deserved
15. The right thing is rarely the easy thing
14. This life is not the Fairytale, I try to live in- You only live this life once, do it to the fullest
13. Everyone, everyone deserves to be loved
12. Don't regret anything... "Cause you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be"- Kate Nash: Merry Happy
11. Friendship doesn't always last, but the right ones will be there when you need them most
10. Always be True to yourself; Never settle on anything or anyone
9.  No matter how much you wish, pray, love for someone, they won't change unless they want too.
8. You're never too old to snuggle with your daddy, or laugh with your momma
7. Laugh loud, Smile big, Kiss often, Love Fully
6. Dad will always be a girls first love, Mom will always be a girls best friend
5. When there is a problem: Go to the person with compassion, tell the truth the best to your ability and always forgive
4. Have Faith. " If you have faith as small as a mustard seed nothing will be impossible for you." Hebrews 11: 1-3
3. Don't go a day without saying I love you. Always believe in Love. Love is the greatest of these. Love love.
2. Remember who you are!
1. God is bigger than me, His plans for me are greater than I can fathom. Always trust in Him.
oh and one for good luck...
 Shoes can make anything better- "One shoe can change a life"- Cinderella


The F word

Ok... not that F word!

I have the best family in the world.
Today, I was STRESSED out. I couldn't help but cry, a lot, because I don't know how to handle my stress and that is what I do to feel better! It wasn't a sad cry. It was just an I am at wits end cry!

Well, my dad tried to come in and console me, and I am inconsolable usually when I am stressed out. haha that is part of me being as stubborn as i am. A few hours later, when I calmed down Poppa Bear came in to ask me what I was stressed about. When I started to explain in tears, what ensued was something Poppa says "I will remember this one my death bed."

I am the baby of my beautiful family. And I have been well taken care of my entire life. I play the baby girl role very well. (If this isn't scaring you off yet future suitors... just keep reading) Well, I know something about myself that most people know but don't admit.. I will admit it- I am selfish. I have always been kind of selfish, just like everyone else is in the world. I don't feel like I am selfish all of the time, but I am growing up and starting to be a lot let selfish, and I feel like I am being a lot more selfless....

Today I was over being selfless! hahaha So I am in tears and tell my Poppa, "I am just over this being selfless thing!!" and then he laughs... if you know my dad, you know THIS laugh. He couldn't stop, then I started to laugh, and I couldn't stop.... This was exactly what I needed. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I needed to be a little ridiculous to get passed this stress bubble I had going on.

So thank you Poppa, for laughing at me, and then with me. It will be one of those moments in both of our lives I hope we never forget.

Yea... we had a marshmallow gun christmas fight this year... my family is amazing!



Dear September,

I am excited for you.
I just have one favor...
Please be really really nice to me!

I am a good girl!
And its my birthday month!

But, I think you are going to be good...
because, I am gonna make sure that you are!

Thank you,
Katelynn Shae


Rain Boots

I guess when it rains, it pours... well, bring it on, I have always wanted cute rain boots. 
Today I felt like it was raining on my life again. It was all these little things adding up to be the perfect storm.  To be honest, I know what is going on. I know that its just the devil trying to bring me down. And you know what, I can get through anything you put me through. 

I had a dream about you last night. You were happy. It killed inside, because I am happy but not in the same way you are. But it was just a dream. Life isn't a dream world. So I will let you go to sleep and be happy if that's what it takes. 

If its raining, you'll find me dancing in the storm- with really cute rain boots.


Word Search

A little secret about me...
I love word searches, absolutely love them...
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