Eeeep! Well, this week has been beyond crazy for me. With my move getting closer and closer (27 days, if someone were to be counting) my time seems to be stretched in a million different directions. I really wish I could add more hours and days to these next few weeks. Try to soak them all up, get everything done, and spend time with all those near and dear.
But I am trying to use it wisely. I have been able to get together with an array of different friends these last few weeks for dinners, coffee dates, froyo catch up sessions, which has filled my heart up. I realize when I move, I will not have old friends from high school to just go catch up with. Or friends from college to dream with. I don't want to take for granted these next few weeks I have with those people in my life.
I move out of my apartment next weekend, which is proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. I love my little place. It has been the first apartment that has felt like a home to me, and its been my home. It also, could be the last time I ever live by myself. I truly value the alone time and my own space which makes it even harder to think I will be losing that.
I used this analogy about packing up my apartment with my best friend last night, I feel like I am writing a paper. I know when it is due, and I can either wait until the last minute and stress out to get it done, or take my time weeks before so it is ready when its due. Well, I took the first approach to cleaning out my apartment and I am feeling really overwhelmed by it all. I know it will all get done by next week because it has to but it just is a lot to take on.
It got me thinking, do we all have a little hoarder inside of us? Thankfully most of us can control it and manage it. I couldn't imagine the feelings of someone who truly struggles with being a Hoarder. Which seriously breaks my heart. I spent hours cleaning out the boxes that were under my bed. It felt pointless because at first glance nothing had changed. I don't even see those boxes on a monthly basis basically I moved them from one apartment to the next for the last six years, yet they were full of years and years of my life, in 8 menacing boxes.
It was the sentimental stuff, so here came the long walk down memory lane. What are you supposed to do with all the cards, pictures and knick knacks you've collected throughout the years? Do they really hold any significant value other than providing nostalgia later on in life? Do you take those boxes full of your yester years with you from place to place adding to them at each new home, friend, significant other? Do you carry your past around covered in dust because you never look back at it, but you want it there in case you want too?
I decided, no... there isn't any value to them. I am guilty of spending too much time thinking back. I don't really need all these little reminders to actually look back through it all. So I decided, it needed to go. It wasn't coming with me on this next adventure in life. Only the necessities, only the things and people who really matter can come along on this journey. So, I took the approach that if it wasn't someone I care deeply about and still see in my life it wasn't getting a special spot under my dreaming place. I spent my time, going through each card some dating back to 2001, looking through each picture, trying to remember where this or that knick knack came from. I did find a little red lady bug my Nanny painted for me. and it made it into my box.
The end result: while I hung out with the New Girl, got a little Revenge, got caught up on current events, then complained with Frank and Marie and reminisced over a beer with Charlie, I condensed my 8 different boxes under my bed to just one box! And it feels good. Real good. I felt guilty for getting rid of things people wrote me, memories of that random french fry picture that was so important at the time but now I have no idea why I would take a picture of it, or that teddy bear I had to hold on to but now I can't remember who gave it to be. Ok I didn't really feel bad getting rid of those disposable pictures that meant nothing and I had to have doubles of as a kid.
I had to get rid of the old clutter, to let the new clutter in! It really is a never ending cycle, and I am sure I will do this more times than I care to know in the rest of my life. But, I am happy with the one box I kept that has pictures from my childhood, the few knick knacks I couldn't let go of, Mom, I save my D.A.R.E. certificate from 6th grade for you, my favorite ballerina book from when I started dance. I kept the things that really meant something to me, I am giving myself one box of my past to drag around with me, because I have boxes and boxes of memories stored up in my heart that really matter.
4 months ago