I'm done asking myself, what could I have done differently? Truth is... I couldn't have done anything more than I already did. We always knew the outcome.
I did everything I could. I tried. I tried so hard. I loved. I loved so hard. I wasn't perfect. but I was me.
I am going to ask now, what will I do differently now? Truth is... I don't know what my outcome will be, but I do know somethings.
For whoever you are.. These are a few of my promises to you
I will always be honest. with myself. and you I will love. fully. purely. genuinely. always. I will try. but not push myself passed levels of comfort. I will heal. to love you better. so I am better for you. I will not compromise passed those same levels of comfort. I will sit back and relax. I will watch sportscenter and espn with you. I will laugh with you. hard. stomach-ache hard. I will lay in bed and not plan so much. I will appreciate. and communicate the appreciation. I will communicate. to the best of my ability. I will listen. not talk.just listen. I will always trust. I will not hold myself back. I will kiss you in the rain. every chance I get. I will dream. BIG DREAMS. I will support. encourage. believe. hope. I will cuddle. snuggle. kiss. hug. I will walk beside my love. not ahead. not behind. but beside. I will discuss ideas. thoughts. theories. days. moods. anything. I will love. unconditionally. for exactly who you are. I will cook. good meals. bad meals. cookies. and cake. I will be everything for you. but I won't do anything to be that. I will do little surprises. I will make you feel special. everyday. I will remember the little things. I will love. the biggest love I have. because I am good at it. I will hold your hand. anytime you want me too. I will be me. I will build a life. home. legacy with you. I will continue to grow by being curious. open. willing. I will live. everyday. I will go on adventures. I will make more memories. documenting them as we go. I will not keep track of right or wrong. I will try to not be so stubborn. or prideful. I will always be right. but when I am wrong I will tell you, you are right. I will love you how you need to be loved. I will complain. probably a lot. I will wear my cute aprons to cook for you. I will sing our favorite songs. loud in the car. I will be silly with you. I will always want you with me. always. I will have movie marathons with you. I will travel with you. anywhere you want to go. I will talk to you about everything. and anything. I will wear high heels. and get dressed up for no reason. I will take you on dates. I will slow dance with you. in candle light. in our kitchen. I will not be scared when I am with you. I will be proud of the man you are. I will want to make babies with you. after we are married of course. I will be the best. for myself first. and then for you. I will always compliment you. I will watch the movies you want to watch. after we watch the ones I want to watch. I will show interest in your family. your friends. your hobbies. I will grow old with you. and I will love every wrinkle. I will love you. always and for forever.
1. Read at least 12 books a. Pride and Prejudice, must be one of those 2. Move to San Diego 3. Say yes more 4. Go on a date. by myself 5. Invest in a hobby-- bought a year membership to an outdoor boot camp 6. Go to a NFL game (Wasn't NFL but it was the OSU Homecoming game, which is even better!) 7. Run a 5k-- Did the Color Run, but didn't actually run it. So I will keep this up 8. Watch "Gone with the Wind" 9. Join a small group/book club 10. Go salsa dancing 11. Take a day off to go on an adventure 12. Cook dinner for a friend and take it to them 13. Visit a friend in a different city/state 14. Try 'The Bar Method' work out 15. Throw a themed dinner party 16. Visit the Monterey Aquarium 17. Write a letter to my former self 18. Make bread from scratch 19. Visit the Golden Gate Bridge 20. Make new friends 21. Create a new tradition 22. Go paddle boarding 23. Try Bikram yoga or Hot yoga 24. Come up with a personal motto-- "Do something today your future self will thank you for" 25. Learn how to sew 26. Learn how to golf