The Good Stuff

Ok, I know I just posted a blog less than 3 seconds ago, but that one was a little more profound than this one and it didn't seem right to continue on with this one.

As a reflection from my last blog I do want to say, I hope one day, my blogging skill will develop so the stories I tell will have meanings that people will find helpful in their lives. I hope to eventually bring comfort, laughter, hope, faith and love to people who could randomly find my blog among the scrolls of others.

But here is my big story for the week:So we had weigh in on Wednesday. I was up .8! I was not very happy... This challenge is starting to become a competition. This healthy idea, is start to be a dirty game. This numbers game, which for me is not as drastic as it could be for others, but this numbers game is not what I want it to be about, but the fact is: it is...

or at least it was!

This morning I knew I would have to wear jeans today because it dropped 20 degrees in the last two days here in Arizona. So I already had in mind which ones. They are some jeans that I had bought last christmas with my then roommate, and at my then weight. They were, for lack of a better term, my big girl jeans. They were baggy but not too baggy but I always knew I could fit in them. Well, as you all know, summer in Arizona is hot... and I mean HOT! So I had just been wearing dresses all the time. So my pants were sadly neglected, well a couple months ago when I went to put on my big girls jeans they were a little snug! And even worst, my favorite pair of jeans that I had bought when I had lost a significant (for me) amount of weight a few summers ago, could barely make it above my hips! I was mortified... I was saddened, and disgusted. Well this morning, with bedhead still settling, and sleep in my eyes I grabbed for my jeans, I pulled them up and they fit pretty nice. Not too tight, Not too loose, but very comfortable.

Much to my surprise, not only had my big girl jeans gone back to their original fit, the length has shrunk a good 6inches (when you are as short as I am, and you buy nice, good *expensive* jeans they are always TOOOOO LOOOOOOOONG) When I looked down guess what I saw?!!?

THEY WEREN'T MY BIG GIRL JEANS....THEY WERE MY FAVORITE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!

In that moment, it wasn't about a number. It was about my goal. My goal to fit into my clothes again, my goal to feel better about myself. My goal to be excited about my clothes again. I'm not going to let this challenge become a competition. I'm not going to let my healthy idea become a dirty game. I am going to be happy with my progress. I am going to make good decisions, and sometimes eat a cookie and not feel bad about it. This morning was a result. It was the good stuff I have been waiting for.

Awareness leads to Accountability...

So one of my new favorite things to do is read other peoples blogs. It seems somewhat invasive when you are reading these stories that other people have experienced and the only connection you have is a link from a blog, of a blog, of a blog, of a person you really know. I figured, we are all putting ourselves out there for a reason.

Whether it be to: just have a place to put our thoughts so we, the blogger, can go back and look through things. or we want to be an inspiration, or we just really like letting out these stories of our lifes, whatever the reason, I am glad other people do it. Some of the blogs I read I can not relate to at all, but they inspire me. Inspire me to do more with my life, not put myself in boundaries of age, experience, money, life... They hold me accountable for my thoughts: frustration, selfishness, failure, success, blessings, happiness. These blogs, of these people I have never met, sometimes read as if they are writing about my life.

I have been struggling on here very verbally. I have been pulling around this dark dark cloud over my head and I just can not seem to shake it. But, today when reading a new blog (my saving blog, I will call it) it clicked. The words that were spilling off the screen and combining ideas in my head, were the words I have been searching for. These stories and words were exactly what I have needed... I feel like they saved my drowning soul...

I am aware of my feelings, I have made you aware of my feelings... and hopefully I can be held accountable for my reactions to them. I do not want to feel the way I have. I do not want to drag others down because of my attitude. I know I have said this, but I am really trying to do and be better for everyone I am around. But being aware of other people's attitudes, also makes me accountable for how I react to them. If I have to distance myself, to be happy... then I will distance myself. If I have to submerge myself, to feel positivity...then submerged I will be. I am not going to be a victim of other peoples negativity anymore.

I can't because their nasty black rain cloud, is creeping on me... I like the sun too much to be under their clouds....

OOO man...

Man, guys! I was doing sooo good at updating all the time! I am sorry it has almost been a week! (not that anyone is really out there! haha) This last week has been good. Busy but good! Thursday I had a great workout, hung out with Joey. Friday I made dinner for Joey, Nick, Tai, and Krista and Andy benifited from leftovers! Saturday went on a hike with my amazing friend Karalyn and sunday, well lets not talk about sunday, its a day I am trying to forget right now! (lets just say, I am not as outdoorsy as I thought I was, and fun to me is NOT driving 50 miles with the windows down in an old jeep to go rock climbing... maybe eventually, but not now...) I am trying to be productive and do homework stuff so that is mostly why I haven't been here! Weigh in is tomorrow, its going to be a cold day, so I am hoping the extra clothes won't weigh me down too much! Or the sushi I had earlier! Hope all is well! <3

Spongebob Squarepants...

Catchy Title huh?! Well, here it is! Today was weigh in day! And I am down 2.2 lbs! so that makes for a total of *drum rollllllllllll* 9.2lbs, in the last 4 weeks! I am very proud that I didn't give up because last week I hadn't done exactly what I wanted! But, now that I am getting this portion of my life under control and organized, I feel like other areas are going out of whack! Mostly me, my heart feelings... I just have felt super down lately. As most of you can tell from my last handful of Blogs I am just really struggling. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning, sometimes I feel like I am floating. Sometimes I say just take it away God, I am letting go for you to carry these burdens, and yet other times I am grasping on to the awful feelings that hold me down and don't want to let go because I need justification. This yo-yo of emotions needs to stop. I don't want this to be my constant state. I know all it takes is for me to say ok, no I am not going to do this anymore. But I feel like it will take a lot more than that... you know, I feel like somethings just drag us down, even if they have been a constant fixture in our lives, that doesn't mean it is right. I need to take some of those fixtures down and either get rid of them, or fix them up so they let me be the best I can be. I am really sorry about all the complaining lately. I guess I feel like people expect a lot out of me, so this is the only place I can kind of complain and not feel so bad about it. Just so much going on in my heart and head... I feel like a sponge. I feel like I am soaking up everything around me, I'm ready to squeeze it out and start fresh!

Treat people as you would want to be treated

Oooo Oooo Oooo pick me! Pick me! I had an idea for what I wanted to talk about today. Mostly because its something I want to say but don't really know where to say it. Overall, I think I am a pretty happy person. I am blessed beyond belief, I am grateful for the people in my life: Family, Friends, Aquaintances, Co-Workers, so on and so forth. Well, lately I have not been so content. Whether its feeling like there is just so much more I want to do with my life yet no one is there to push me for it, or that my expectations are rarely met and so I have to lower them to stay satisfied. I don't know, maybe I am the only person who remembers this rule but, its something I would like to put out there again to all of us! "Treat People as you want to be Treated." This rule is such a simple, easy one yet I feel like people don't think about it. And even, this is just the simplest thing, because its not saying the people you love, the people that you trust the most, its just saying PEOPLE... That means, that person you don't really know but ask you for directions on campus- yea, them. That person that you see in your neighborhood every once in awhile and their garage door is left open late at night- yea, them. That person, you know through a friend, who knows your brothers friend from down the street- yea, them too. Being a nice, genuine person isn't a pick and choose game. Its not a on one day, off the other thing. Its not about an eye for an eye. I want to be a person who is courteous, kind, genuine, trustworthy, lovable- a good friend, to everyone. But sometimes, people make that really hard. Sometimes, it stinks feeling walked all over, used, not cared for when you put a lot of effort into a friendship. How hard is it to text someone back? How hard is it to tell someone you've been thinking about them? How hard is it to be honest with someone? if its that hard... thats going to be an issue...

Good Morning Week!

I don't have much to say yet, but I'm gonna make this week a great week! I hope you all have a fabulous week as well. And when something brings you down, remember there are so many people that love you, and I do too! When someone disappoints you, think of a time when tehy didn;t and thats not who they normally are. We control our attitudes, our results, we make life what we want it to be! <3

Can't please them all...

I am starting to realize, in a sense, I am a people pleaser. I try not to step on people's toes, I try to do some things because other people want to do it, not really me. and its really frustrating when you can't please everyone and then they are not so nice about it when you don't... I am just over trying to please people. So I am just going to work on myself. that is what is most important anyways. I am just going to make myself happy. and if you don't want to respond, I am ok with that.

almost forgot!

Gosh, I have been really good about blogging lately, its actually quite impressive to me! But I almost forgot today! I know my blogs don't normally have any great words of wisdom, and really are just word vomit for whatever is going on in my life at this time but today I actually got to use some advice that I learned a long time ago. A while ago I had a really hard time, really hard time... I read a lot of books to try to understand the situation that left me feeling so very empty. Well, today, as odd as it sounds I used my advice for someone who was trying not to do what they had done before. It probably doesnt make sense, but thats ok. I know what I am talking about!

Sometimes, its hard to listen to advice others give us. Sometimes, its great to see that your advice is being taken. Sometimes, I wish I had known what I know now. Sometimes, I wish I would listen to the advice that I have given others! Sometimes, you just gotta live!

Just one of those weeks....

Is there a dark dreary rain cloud hanging over my head? Because that is sure what it feels like! And, to top it off I am a zombie today! Stayed out late for Krista's birthday last night, and I have decided I am too old to be doing that kind of stuff if I have to wake up by 6 every morning! I am seriously just starting to get some kind of energy, and I have been awake for almost 6 hours!! But, it was fun!

Well, I can't beat around the bush too much longer. We did weigh in today, and I gained .4oz Ok, I know this isn't horrible, and I know that those big numbers I was posting wouldn't last but I just really really never wanted to be + an amount. It is a little discouraging, but I am not going to let it stop me! I just need to start eating a little more to make sure I am getting in all my nutrients, especially milk, always forget about that one! And I really need to start upping my exercise. So does anyone want to either, go to school for me, or pay me to live so I don't have to work so I can get that exercise in. I feel like I am going non-stop all the time. Its like Monday-Friday I am on from 6am Monday morning until 5pm Friday night. I know I have a big break on campus, and I truly do need to take advantage of it, but I feel like I am losing out on my true Me Time. Im either working, school, sleeping, friends or the most needy of them all, the Boyfriend. And, I love love love spending time with him and all my friends and family but I feel like I am starting to lose my balance...

I don't want to fall down.

Positivity

I dont really have anything to say but, I am blessed. Even on my bad days, even on days that I feel broken, I have so many things to be grateful for and I really do try to remember those things and keep them in my mind, instead of the negative things. I want to be a positive light for you! <3

One of those days, One of those Feelings

Here is everything I could never say:

I miss you.
I miss the special thing we used to share.
I'm not sure if you'll ever let us share that again.
You aren't there for me anymore.
It makes me mad
It makes me sad
But, I still love you.
Always will
Always, always will
I will always want what we used to have
But eventually, I will come to terms that you
You have moved on in your life.
You will say you understand
You will say you will work on it
You will say that I am assuming things
I will be disappointed.
This is the new cycle of our life.
I will come to terms with it.
But, I will always love you the way I always have.

Frustrated...

I am just plain, straight-out frustrated right now... I am giving you a warning, this is not positive... This is a little self indulgence in my negative feeling right now. I hate, hate, hate complaining about these feelings because I know that I am blessed, and lucky... but feelings are feelings, sometimes we don't control them. Sometimes the actions of other people cause us to have these feelings that are hard to explain. But, I am tired of people not living up to the role they play in your life. This might sound confusing... But we all know what is expected of us as our role in life, such as being a friend, sister, daughter, mom, student, employee; each role we take in our lives have general standards and expectations... If you lived a certain way your entire life, it shouldnt change because something else has. I am just ugh.. so frustrated that people can't keep up their end of the bargain. I am always disappointed and let down, and its getting really really old. I always put my feelings out there. I really do try to be the best I can for everyone, and every role I do. But sometimes, its hard to do that when you get nothing but disappointment back, always... I am just done. done trying right now. hope youre happy...

Lets just say

Lets just say, a marathon and I will not mix! I tried to go on a yog yesterday, and thought I was going to die! I know I can eventually get there but I think my new goal is going to be: be able to run a full mile by the end of october, then 2 in november and 3 in december! We will see but Its all about baby steps! I hope everyone has a fabulous saturday! I am going to make cupcakes for my moms birthday celebration a little later that I am really excited about! They are Hungry Girl cupcakes and only 3 and 2 points each! Im making "Insanity Red Velvet" and "Iced n Spiced Pumpkin" cupcakes! Hope they turn out good!

Marathon?

So, I have been thinking... I might want to do the PF Chang's Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon... But I am not sure I can train for it in only 3 months! And its kind of expensive, so I wouldnt want to sign up for it and then not actually do it. Maybe I should just train like I was going to do it and do another one some other time. I am sure there are lots of marathon's around that I could do. I just was thinking maybe if I had a goal to achieve that was more permanent than just one I make up it would motivate me more to get out there. I don't know, I have never been a runner but it might be good. Maybe I should start with a new pair of running shoes! I have walking shoes, but not running!

anyone done a marathon or a 1/2 before... wanna give me some tips, encouragement, advice, all of the above!?
kk

Ooo Pictures!

OO I forgot, I took a picture of it! Because, I like to see pictures of food I am making! So I wanted to make sure everyone else had that too! This is for the recipe below for Katelynn's Afternoon Quesadilla!

Love yah!
xoxoxo

Week 2 Weigh In!

Hello Friends!

Well week two weigh in happened today and I am pleased to say I lost another 3.2 lbs! I was shocked! But, I know that these huge results won't keep happening but it is a great motivator to me because I am feeling better and better about myself. One area that I know I need a lot of focus on is my exercise! I don't get out to do stuff as much as I wish I did! And this last week I was barely out of my apartment studying for midterms! But I was wondering, anybody have ideas of fun things that can get you active!? The weather is soooo nice right now I want to start doing more outside, and stuff that won't cost a ton of money! I know Hiking, riding bikes, things like that... I guess I want to know what some people do to have fun that doesn't feel like exercise but is! Also, I made a great new recipe today! I was thinking I might start posting things up here that are weight watcher recipes or ideas in case anyone that is reading is interested or just wondering what I am doing!

Its so true, that when you are trying to get healthier, or Diet (ps.. to me Weight Watchers is the furthest thing from a diet) you always eat the same thing or do the same thing. But with weight watchers, you can eat whatever the heck you want too! IT IS UP TO YOU! Just stay within your points! (if anyone has any questions, comment I can explain more)

Katelynn's Afternoon Quesadilla:

Ingredients:
1 Carb Balance Whole Wheat Fajita Tortilla (Mission)
1/2 Light Swiss Laughing Cow Cheese (I live by these, usually have 3 or 4 in my fridge at all times)
1 Tbspn of Salsa (I used homemade Green Tomatillo salsa because I had some)
1 Chicken Breast
1 Tbspn Red Pepper Oil Olive
1 Tpsn EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)
1/4 Yellow Pepper
1/4 Red Pepper
1 tpsn Light Sour Cream

Start by putting your chicken breast in a skillet at medium heat.
I drizzled the Red Pepper Olive Oil over the chicken and seasoned it to taste (I used McCormick- Montreal Chicken Spice)
I used about 1/2 tbspn of the EVOO on the skillet as well.
While I was grilling the chicken; I washed and cut the yellow and red bell peppers into long strips.
Once the chicken was cooked all the way through I cut it in half and shredded one half of the chicken and put the other half in the fridge.
Then I put the Yellow and Red bell peppers and chicken back into the skillet and sauteed them together with the other 1.5 tbspn off EVOO

While the chicken and peppers were in the skillet, I spread the Whole Wheat Tortilla with the Laughing Cow Cheese and heated it up in the microwave for 30 seconds (that might have been too long, I will probably do like 20 or 15 next time). When I took the Tortilla out I spread the salsa on top of the melted, heated tortilla.

Once the chicken and peppers were cooked to my liking (a little crispy on the chicken, and some dark edges on the peppers) I put the mixture on top of the tortilla. And to top it off I used about a tbspn of Light Sour Cream!

This was a great meal and it really filled me up! It started off as an idea for a chicken quesadilla and then it just grew but you will be sooo surprised at how many points it is!!!

Point Value: 4!!!

Ok here is how:
The Tortilla is only 1 point!
1/2 Laughing Cow Cheese, 1 Tpsn of Salsa and a Cup of Bell Peppers aren't anything
The Chicken is 3 points for 4.5 oz but I had only half of that so its technically 1.5 but I just count 2 points (Always better to overestimate)
And then the sour cream was 1 point!

And here is another thing... I really didn't need the sour cream it just sounded good so I went for it!

Hope this helped somebody out! If not, and you are reading all the way down this way, God Bless your heart! =D

Thanks for all the support!

kk
xoxoxo

Do you know what you are?

I don't know why I keep thinking about this. I wonder if people know what they are. Are you positive or negative? Are you happy or sad? Are you controlling or passive? I think people have an idea of what they want to be, or what they think they are but I am not sure if people have a healthy grasp on what they TRULY are.

Not that I feel like I have it completely down but I have been thinking about a few things that I know I am:

I am a believer in people, second chances, miracles, faith, love.
I am broken, imperfect, moody, sensitive, judgemental at times, frustrated easily.
I am a friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, granddaughter, cousins, niece, aunt.
I am talkative, easily entertained, friendly (sometimes accused of being too friendly), open, willing to learn, willing to admit when I am wrong.
I am a motivator, positive, easy to be around (most of the time), loving.
I love to love. I want to show all the people of the world what real love is.
I take being a friend seriously. I try to be as honest as I can with the most important person of all, myself. I want to be known for being kind, sincere, loving, a great friend, intelligent.

I know I am young, but I feel like I have a good grasp on who I am. I am not perfect, I make a lot of mistakes. But I am willing to work on myself. I don't want to think that I don't have work to do on myself. I don't want to think I have grown as much as I can because the rest of my life won't be as fun if I already knew everything right now!

Not sure what spurred this blog, but hey at least I am blogging regularly now! It feels good.

Hope all are well.

xoxo

International Business Management

International Business Management can not exist and I would be a happier person! Studying in the library. Its hard to stay focused. Praying hard today for all my loved ones. Trying not to think that my inconvenience is a problem because its not. These tests don't define me. These test don't measure what kind of a person I am or what I can do in my life. These test don't help me make better decisions for my life, in the short and long run. They are just something teachers have to do, and it is my firm belief that most teachers are out to get us. They aren't there to really teach us, but their teaching is in between the lines. I'm thinking the Mindy is trying to teach me that if I study my butt off its only going to go so far, and even if I get a D or a A, I'm just another number. Its other things that are going to make me stand out and worth it, not a silly test grade...

xoxox

Ay yi yiiiii...

I am surprisingly calm compared to the week I have ahead of me! Its already midterms (which is totally weird to think about) but I have three exams. Luckily, they are all on separate days but its going to be one heck of a study fest! I have my first exam tonight 605-720. Then I am getting together with Tori after class to go over our MASSIVE study guide for MGT302, international business. And then Tuesday I will be in the library my entire break studying for my exam at 3. Then after that class the studying will continue for my Gender Communication test on Wednesday at 655! Its going to be three days of pure studying but I think I can do it! WW is still going well! I just need to find the time to make exercise more of a priority! But thankfully, the weather is getting much nicer out so I can start walking at work or during the day at school a little more!

Well, wish me luck! See you on the other side of the books!

xoxo

You say, HOW MUCH?!?

Ok so you know when you are out shopping and there is something you just really like but you can't imagine paying the price that they want for it because its just ridiculous. Well I have had one of those items for awhile now. Ok so at Urban Outfitters they have this totally cute headbands that have the big feathers on them, the only ones I have seen are Peacock ones and I just loved them but they are stinking 24$ If you go down to the Plumage Headband and Look at the options you will be totally surprised because, I decided to MAKE THEM ON MY OWN!! I am not an artsy fartsy lady! I can barely draw a stick figure very well! But I just bought some headbands are target (5 for 3.99) and then I went to Michaels and I bought two feathers, the Blue Almond and Multi Brown, they didnt have peacock, and some black ribbon. The headbands were browns, blue and tan. I used a regular brown one with the multi brown feather and then I wrapped a headband with the ribbon and put the blue almond on it. It was really easy, all I used was fabric glue because the feathers already had a black little thing on them. It was seriously so easy I couldn't even believe it! and I think I made them for less than 5$ The feathers were the most expensive part! I am thinking about making one with buttons now!

But this was my item I just had to have but didn't want to spend the money! What about you?! Have you made anything because you knew you could and didn't want to spend the money on it?




PS... seriously, go look at the link! It is the second to last picture and go to more colors and it is the EXACT feathers I got! suuuuuuch a rip off!

Feelings, all these wonderful feelings...

So I have been super emotional lately. Partly because I'm a lady, and ladies do that sometimes, usually once a month, lol. But, today I figured something out! Some people eat their feelings. When they are sad they go for the chocolate, or when they are happy they celebrate with a drink. I don't think I am one of those people. When I am sad, I buy clothes. When I am happy, I buy clothes. When I am content, I buy more stuff! I just can't help it, that is how I like to express my feelings. I just feel bad for my bank account, and future husband! Can you imagine what will happen if I am ever pregnant?!!? I'm gonna have to freeze my debit card in a BIIIIIIIG chunk of ice! lol

xoxo
praying...

Useless... Heavy Heart

I have a very heavy heart right now. I don't wish to divulge in the situation, but I feel so very useless right now. Things make it hard, and I know there is good support but I just want to help make things bearable. And I know that help is through Prayer, but I am going to be honest... I am horrible at prayer. But I am going to do it today... because it all I can do... <3

One Week

Well it has been one week on weight watchers and today I weighed in! I have lost.... Dun Dun Dunnnnnn.... 4.2 pounds! I am beyond excited because I did it all on my own! Making good choices! I know that much weight lose every week won't happen but it was great to see a result. I just thought I would let you all know! <3