5.30.2010

Life Guide


*I got this off of the postsecret blog*

There is no set in stone right or wrong way to make it through the hard stuff.
Its different for every person
Everything you do that helps you, might not even come close to working for the someone else.

Its true, we are all just wingin' it...

5.29.2010

Back to Square One



Looks like my heart is back to square one

The heart is not a toy.
THIS IS NOT A GAME

I try to protect myself, but really I was letting my heart be out there... again...

I need to set boundaries and stick to them. no matter how hard it hurts.

You would think after so much love, a person wouldn't intentionally hurt you...

I guess you are not the person I thought you were.

5.27.2010

Pray For Amy


I am constantly amazed at the power of God and social networking.

As I stated a few posts before, I love to read blogs.
Most of the time, I find one, which will lead me to another, which will lead to another, this is the process of how I have found most of the blogs I read.

Today there was a post on one that I read about a young woman who is 24, been married for 4 months and she just had a stroke.

It played on my heart strings. I could not even begin to imagine everything that is going through her husbands mind, her parents, hers...

But, I feel like its important to spread the word so as many people that believe can raise her and her family up in prayer!

This is the website you can go to to pray for Amy

"the Lord will act in our behalf. NOTHING can hinder the Lord from Saving." 1 Sam 14:6 - this seems to be their verse that is giving their family peace and comfort.

I know when my family was going through our own medical battle we had a mantra we stuck with that gave us peace.

You might not know them personally (I don't) but we are all God's children and nothing is impossible with God!

5.24.2010

No Control



Disclaimer: I just need to get something off my chest. I hope that once I do I can just move passed it. The picture above is a little more dramatic than this post will be, but it is beautiful at the same time! I got it here

Life is kind of like a storm. I am learning to dance in the rain...

I am learning lots of things. Here is the lesson of the week (so far...)

I have learned this lesson before.
But it doesn't mean it won't show up from time to time to re-teach you something.
Control. A lot of the time, we think we have it, but we don't. I'm not talking about control over ourselves but control over a situation. When so many other influencing factors are involved its that much harder to have control.
Mistakes. I make them, you make them, everyone makes them. If a person thinks they don't, we might have an issue. If a persons thinks people do things to them on purpose, then they might be a little too senstivie (I am guilty of that big time, its another lesson I am currently learning the slow way). If a person can't forgive another for a mistake they apologized for, then I don't know what to tell that person... but they will be holding onto a lot of stuff that will just weigh them down in the long run...

So why is it, that when you don't have complete control over a situation,
and you maybe make a bad judgement call or a mistake, but you later apologize for that mistake. people can't forgive...

tell me you have never made a mistake and asked for forgiveness.
tell me that you didn't have control over a situation and someone else was affected from that lack of control but you are having the finger pointed at you, even though you couldn't control it all.


I may be sawing sawdust here
but I needed to get it off my chest
and writing it in words seems to be the only way.


But, I did what I could to make it better, so at least I can say I did the best I could.

Moving on with this beautiful day!

5.20.2010

Hello World



Well, I guess the only way you can get up
is if you put yourself out there!

I'm picking myself up, and putting myself out there!

World... here I come!

<3

5.19.2010

Happiness Campaign


A couple years ago, I created an idea for myself called "The Happiness Campaign"
I was tired of letting other people bring me down
I didn't want to not be happy because other people didn't want to be happy
I have always been an emotions sponge.
I soak up what my friends are going through and feel it with them
Well, I was tired of always feeling and being down about things that weren't worth it
So I wanted to be happy
The Happiness Campaign is about being happy for what you have and the blessings in your life. If you tell yourself to be happy, you will be... it might take some time but eventually it will happen.

Well, I am at another time in my life where I need the Happiness Campaign in my life.
People always want to give little sayings
Words of wisdom, encouragement, hope to get through the good, the bad and the ugly

Well my mom gave me this little hallmark book-
Live Happy: Inspirational Thoughts on Life, Love and Laughter.
To help me get through my bad and my ugly time.

I love LOVE love this book!
It sits next to my bed and its a little flip book so you are supposed to turn the page everyday and it will give you some kind of saying.

Some are funny
Some are silly
Some are thought provoking
Some make you smile
and some, some are exactly what you need to hear.

I gave this little book to a couple of my girlfriends and we will share with each other which one we have up.
I am impatient so I read through it and find the one that fits me for the moment I am at.

Tonight this one doesn't necessarily fit the moment, but it made me smile and was something I needed to hear.

"All you've got
is all you can give
and that will
always
be enough."

That really hits home for me
because, sometimes I don't know if I will ever be enough
I spent a long time thinking I had to change all these things to be enough for someone, but I don't
And I will always be enough...

Really!?



I am not a confrontational person,
I try to be rational
Come to the person with compassion, and honesty that I might have an issue with.

But, when people have completely different perspective's on a situation
that is really REALLY really H.A.R.D.

I feel like I get walked all over.
I feel like I care way to much about other people's feelings over my own.
I am TIRED of not having reliable, understanding, selfless people around me.

People don't walk in other people's shoes anymore...
People are greedy
People are selfish
People only care about themselves and don't think about what they might be putting someone else through...

I'm not asking for the moon,
I'm asking for some decency, understanding that YOU made a choice YOU have to deal with, and rationale...


P.S. Isn't that baby too much to be really mad at?! haha so cute!

Silver Lining



Life can be a rollercoaster. This morning I was sad...
But tonight, is the complete opposite.
I can not get the smile off my face.
I have a feeling I haven't had in a long time...

There is silver lining in brokeness..
There is silver lining in meeting up with an old friend and spending quality time with them.
There is silver lining in meeting someone new that brings a smile to your face...

Right now, I am happy and I don't want to sleep... in case tomorrow is not the same

5.18.2010

I'm a blog lovin' lady



I love reading blogs.

I love getting to know people through their own perspective and words.
I love knowing that other people find this process as therapuetic as I do.
I love knowing I am not alone, even when I feel alone.

I found a new blog today, through another one I have been reading...

It is just what I needed.

Maybe you will find what you need too.

Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet

5.17.2010

My book...



My story continues to be written day after day
Some days I wish I could rewrite, and change what was.

But, you can't rewrite what's already there.
Those memories that were made, will always be.

It's not the memories I want gone, but the confusion
Sometimes, I don't know what I am supposed to feel.

Or if what I am feeling is right...

Sometimes I don't feel anything
Other times its like nothing happened
Then sometimes its like everything happened.

Other times I am extremely hopeful and excited for opportunities
And then, what?

I don't want to stop living my story...
I want to continue to make memories, to fill my book up.

I want someone who wants to help me fill up my book
Who wants to help shape me and form me and allow me to better myself

I want to write my story with someone who loves me...
for me and wants to be apart of my story.

I want to be apart of someone else's story
Someone that wants to always be better
That wants to constantly be learning, loving, living.

I want a lot of things...
But I want to write my story with someone who loves me most of all.

5.14.2010

Yup, that just happened!



Well, it happened.
It's kind of like a blur.
When it was happening, it was going slow *especially when they were calling out all the names* but it really happened so fast.
Five years... I worked towards this day for five years (I switched majors once, and graduating in 4 years is like leaving a party at 11!)
I want to go back already and soak it all up.
I had all my friends around me.
It was amazing, good times and great memories!

I am officially apart of the college graduated crowd.

So surreal...
It makes me happy you were there...

Everyone asks, what is next?
And I am ok saying, I don't know!
I have an amazing job, but I am open to opportunities
I am just going to start living life!

5.13.2010

Finish line


Well, I lied last night... after this post I will be a college graduate!


I have so many different emotions! Its amazing what God has given us and done for us to feel what we feel. I did not know it was possible to be sad, excited, proud, nervous all in one moment!

I am about to cross this finish line, alone, which after four years I never thought would happen.
But its not about who I cross the finish line with... its about all those people out there cheering me on, supporting me, loving me, and being proud of what I have accomplished!

Thank you to my crowd, my supporters, my cheerleaders...
Without you, I wouldn't have the strength to cross this line!

I'm closing this chapter of my life...

Here is to a new clean slate to write my story on!

5.12.2010

The night before...




It is the night before my college graduation.
Yes, COOOOLLEGE graduation!
I am not sure, what to think or feel...
All these transitions are scary, exciting, wanted, needed...
I want to cry because I am so proud, happy, nervous, sad about this chapter, and its end.
I am proud to be a Sun Devil.
The next time I write in this blog... I will be a college graduate.

Baggage




Hi, my name is Katelynn.
This is my baggage...
I know its a lot, but it makes me... me.

Someday
Somewhere
Someone
will love me, and my baggage...

5.11.2010

I Wish...

Nicest Things
Made of Bricks
Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.


I wish I was your favourite girl
,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favourite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
I wish that we could see if we could be something




Songs make me feel better about the emotions I have.
It makes me feel that at least someone else has felt how I have feel/felt.
Its just one of those days.

5.09.2010

Actions speak louder than words...


Why is it that actions speak louder than words?
You act one way... but you say another
Which am I supposed to follow?
Which am I supposed to believe?
Do you even know which one you feel?

I know I don't always have it together
I know I don't always act what I say
and I will be the first to admit that...

I let my heart govern much of what I do
Some might say, I love too freely and openly
I put myself out there, a lot...

But my actions shout LOVE
What do your actions say about you?

5.06.2010

I'm in a glass case of emotion...


Anchorman is by far, one of my favorite movies... but the problems with favorites these days is it reminds me of my other favorite thing that I can't have anymore... ugh, promised myself this was going to be a different kind of entry, and it will be...

I grew up in the city, my family is all country. I used to lie when I was little and tell people I was born in Oklahoma because I thought it was sooo cool! As much as I am a city girl, ask all 100+ cousins I have(yes this is true), I'm the biggest city girl of them all, I still have a small piece of country in me. Summers on the farm, going out into the fields, driving down country dirt roads, and blaring country music.

Small fact about myself: I wasn't allowed to listen to anything but christian or country music until I was like 12. Then I listened to the good stuff, you know Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'sync... ok digressing...

Well, my parents are both still country in their own way. And lately my momma has had to be my rock. She is a sturdy one to lean on when you need a rock, but she always has country music playing in the background. I had a particularly bad day a couple days ago, and this song was playing in the background.

My momma looked at me and said, baby girl- this is you. it doesn't feel like it now. but this is you. so don't you worry, you will feel it again. (ok it wasn't exactly those words, but whatever it said, made me feel good...)

I listened to the words again, and I liked it... and it was totally me because if you know me, you know I love patron.

I have been listening to it on repeat, from youtube because my mom is burning me a CD of sassy songs as she says!

But, this at least shows you the words if you are interested...

PS... yes, thank you for riding Goliath with me... You know, the tallest rollercoaster in the world. It goes to really high points, to really low points, twists and turns, jerks and flips but you know what, it always comes to an end...

5.05.2010

B.R.O.K.E.N.


I feel more broken every day.
I can't find all the pieces of my heart, or my soul.
I am sad
I am mad
I am exhausted
I am hurt
I am miserable
I am broken
I am alone
I feel hopeless at times
I don't want to see the big picture
I don't want to hear it will all be ok
I am NOT ok
I am not happy
I am not ME



I am b.r.o.k.e.n.

5.03.2010

Love after all matters the most...


So I have a really soft spot in my heart, which is impressive because I have a pretty stinkin' soft heart, for Brandon Heath and his music. The summer before my senior year of high school, a boyfriend and I had broken up. It was a really awful break up, things were not nice, but God had opened a door for me to go away for a month to serve at a YoungLife camp. Brandon Heath happened to be the musician for the month that I was there. Each week there is a mini concert, the first week I couldn't make it through the first song without major tears. The second week, I made it a little bit further. By the last week, I could make it through the whole thing without tears.

Well, I am at another crossroads in life. And let me tell you my emotions are about as similar to the latest Carrie Underwood cd. Most moments I am sad, some moments I am hopeful, some moments I see the bigger picture, some I am bitter, but I still feel love, always.

There is a song that I heard a while ago, and I knew right when I heard it, it was B. Heath. Its called, Love Never Fails.

After this week that I have had, I heard the song again, and it had a different meaning to me this time around. God is Love... This song is about His love for us, but also He teaches us how to Love. I believe in Love, Hope, Faith... Nothing will change that.

Love Never Fails
Brandon Heath

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most


Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

5.02.2010

Questions?



So many questions run through my head.
I don't have answers for any of them.
There is a chance I never will.
I have to find a way to be ok with this new normal.

I want to go back to the way it was.
Do you too?

Last Day of College



This is a weird time right now
So many transitions
So many sad feelings
So many happy things
I am going to make the most of it
I am going to put one foot in front of the other
Life is Good. Life is Painful. I will live it to the fullest

Its crazy how your world can change so drastically over night, how you can go from pure, genuine happiness to life shattering darkness so quickly
I am trying to deal
I am trying to grow
I am trying to be better

but I am trying to Love through it.

I told my mom the other day, if I could have done things differently through college I would have been more involved, been more active in different roles, gone to more sporting events, but you know, it is what it is. I can't go back, and wouldn't want to go back.

I wouldn't want to erase anything from the past 5 years...
its made me who I am. And I'm still a work in progress, but at least I am progressing
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