Actions Speak Louder than Words

I know you are all sick of my roller coaster of emotions.
...because trust me, i am freaking sick of it as well...
I am really struggling with having my heart feel what my head knows.
It just isn't on the same page right now

I know what I want in life:
I want God.
I want Love.
I want Health and Happiness.
I want a family.
I want someone who stands besides me.

But most of all I struggle with the want of: Love
I know so many things
   I know if I am looking for it, it won't come.
   I know its not something you can force.
   I know you have to know and love yourself to be open to that kind of love.
   You have to have a full heart, to love that kind of love
   I know, if you let love go and it never comes back it was never yours yadda yadda

I know these common rules and thoughts about love...
Yet, I don't follow those rules.
I try so often to do it my way.
Well... my way D.O.E.S. N.O.T. work

I can't have it all.
I have to make sacrifices
I have to make the choice to do what's right
even when its soo frackin' hard.

I am always so worried about hurting other people
To the point where I will put myself through the mill to keep someone else happy,
or give someone else what they want,
But what about me? 

How do I continue to let you hurt me
even after so much time has gone
Your actions speak a lot louder than words....
and you'll never know how much they both hurt 

Starting today
Starting right now...
I'm doing me
for me

I can't hold onto the burden of the mistakes you chose to make