Adventures

These are a few of the adventures I would like to take, go to, or do:
(in no particular order)
(in the next few years)

walk the three day breast cancer walk, again

drive through big sur

see Ray LaMontagne in Vegas, San Diego or Phoenix

Australia and play beach volleyball

scuba diving

Colorado to snowboard(winter) and/or hike(summer)

Hawaii and fly with my friend Greg (he is and will be the pilot)

indoor skydiving

camping out under the stars in california

see LOVE in vegas

fall in love

go wine tasting in Northern California (or anywhere) and find a wine I like

drink sangria in spain

slow dance with someone

go to a professional football game maybe the Chargers with Amanda

eat bruschetta (and lots of food) in italy

indoor rock climbing- then do outdoor rock climbing

work for TOMS shoes

go on a cruise

travel to seattle and go to pike's place market and get coffee at the OG starbucks

go to new york for new years

go to the batting cages

run a half marathon
then run a full marathon

go ice skating at rockefeller center, with the big christmas tree in the back

volunteer at a Cancer treatment center

go paintballing

sing karaoke

build a fort in the livingroom and watch movies in it

cruise my bike down the boardwalk

try new restaurants
and new cuisines

take a staycation

get my tattoo

gamble in Vegas (and win)

play domino's outside at a park with a friend

take cooking classes

try birkham yoga

have a picnic

work with a non-profit

eat clam chowder in san fran

pick an actress or actor- and have a movie marathon of all their movies

go to different libraries and read books from a booklist

cook recipes i love

actually get up on a wakeboard

learn about other cultures and religions

maybe- real skydiving

stand over the grand canyon

take salsa dance lessons with a boy

eat deep dish pizza in chicago

go surfing in Hawaii, again

hike the grand canyon

live in London

ride in a helicopter over waterfalls

go back to the Lourve

move to california

get my masters

fall in love with living life to the fullest

the ultimate adventure will be finding myself along the way...

I'm ready for an adventure... who is coming with me?

Happiness

Not that I was right.
But I wasn't necessarily wrong either.
I just didn't think I would be happy for a long time...

but

I am happy.
I can say this and not feel guilty.

For the first time, in a looooong time, I am me.

I feel like I didn't know who me was for a long time...
and now I am doing new things to figure it out.
I know it may take some time...
and I am ok with that, more than ok.

I know somedays will not always be as bright and hopeful
but today I am moving in the right direction

I am happy.

and I am allowed to be.

Friendship...

-Picture provided from http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/-

I am the type of friend that needs communication.
I do have those friends that I only talk to once in awhile and we pick up right where we left off.
But I need people who want to be apart of my life and see that just showing up with its convenient for them isn't true friendship.

its all about the little things...

How do you spell LOVE?

If you know me, you know that I love Love.
I love the idea of being in love.
I loved being in love.
I believe in Love
I love seeing other people love each other.
I love making my friends, family, strangers feel loved.
I pray for Love
I love Love.
I love talking about love.
I love making people feel loved and special.
I need to be loved
I love completely with my heart.
I wear love on my sleeve.
I am good at loving.
I was made to Love.

Everyone sees Love, feels Love and spells LOVE in different ways

How do you spell Love?

Something's come naturally...

Mel McDaniel -
Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On

Shakira - Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) (The Official 2010 FIFA ...

this makes me happy... This Time for-

baby steps...

There are a lot of things that take time.
Mending a heart, is one of those things...
at least for me it is.
and I know it will be a very very long time
because this heart of my is very broken

But its all about baby steps.
Tonight, I cooked dinner
for the first time in 8 weeks.
I cooked dinner for one.
just me. no one else.
I ate my dinner alone.
at my dining room table. in my chair. not his.
I cleaned my dishes by myself.
instead of drying them.
It was one more piece of me shattering to pieces
but maybe, it was a baby step in the right direction...

I hate to feel and seem so dramatic
but this is me.
I know I am still lucky.
I know I am still blessed.
But I know I am still broken.


and it still sucks.

not my dinner.
but being alone. and without you.

Everyday

Everyday is different
But one thing stays the same

This hole in my heart isn't going to change
I can't fill it with anything
And I don't want too...

I wake up missing you

I am learning to never expect anything.

Everyday I think
Everyday I miss you

Everyday I want to love

I miss love the most

Someday
Oneday
Someone will love me
Everyday...

How do you say no more...

with friends?

How do you know when its time to throw in the towel?
When do you say, enough is enough, this isn't good for me?
Do you just stop trying and see if they notice?
Or do you sit them down and say, I can't be your friend anymore, if this is how its going to be...

Sometimes, you have to do what is good for you, not others

Right now, its hard being the only one giving, when you need something to know that you aren't giving for no reason.

I am ok with growing up, and I realize some friends won't always hold the same place in our lives and hearts, I really truly understand that

but
I'm really not sure how much longer I can be your friend.

I want to be
but
I need a friend too.
and you aren't being anything near what I would define a friend.

Once Again

I still have my days, and my moments... a lot
where I think, what are we doing?
how is this right?
what am I supposed to do?

I need you...

You get me
You know me
I can be me with you.

Today:
It still doesn't feel right.
It still doesn't feel ok.
I am really sad

Everyone tells me I need to be out there having fun
I need to move on and get passed these feelings
That this is right to them...
I have yet to feel those things

I am not sure how to do all these new "firsts" again.

Today. I am not ok.

once again.

When will I be?

All these things

have something in common...


the rain
slow songs
purple
cars
basketball
11.11
san diego
laughter
going to sleep
turtles
brushing teeth
sunny days
fast songs
snowboarding
driving
dinner
waking up
zebra print
love
signs
paradise bakery cookies
movies
being late
bikes
mac n cheese
hippos
swimming
singing
root beer
clothes
green
christmas
whole foods
humming birds
laying in bed
target
being organized
four wheeling
lady bugs
coffee
silence
the noise a text makes
hot days
tattoos
anchorman
lillies
shopping
red
cooking
being sick
pedicures
cream soda
pazookie
holding hands

the list could go on...

but to be honest, i am terrified for the day these things don't have anything in common.

Quotes

"PROMISE ME YOU'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER:
YOU'RE BRAVER THAN YOU BELIEVE,
AND STRONGER THAN YOU SEEM
AND SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!"

- Christopher Robin to Winnie...

Mom's always know what to say, or who to quote...

Hardest Thing Ever...

Today...
I did the hardest thing I hope I ever have to do in life.
I guarded my heart.
I stood up for myself so I could move forward
I made a decision for myself
I still put myself out there, but it doesn't hurt as bad.

I still love you
It will not always be easy
It might not feel good all the time

but I did it.

Today...
I did something for my future
I made a choice to speak up for what I need
It was the hardeSt thing I have ever had to do

but I did it.

Today...
is a new day
the future is bright

but I did it...

because I love you.

Pretending...

I can't pretend...

that this is easy.
that it doesn't hurt.
that I am whole.
that I don't miss you.
that I am ok.
that I don't love you.

I can't pretend anymore...