48. Sooo you're telling me, I'm not gonna die from this?

One reason I say that heartbreak is not contagious is because
I thought it was at one point...
When I was heartbroken,
So were three of my other friends.

It was almost like there was a Summertime conspiracy between our then boyfriends
All of us had our hearts broken within three weeks of each other
Ranging from one year- four years of togetherdom.
At the time, I thought maybe it was contagious.

Its not.

Also, contrary to popular belief
It doesn't kill ya... Like that saying, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Its funny when those types of sayings prove to be true

It gets better.
It doesn't hurt for as long as you thought it would
There are even times that you see the light at the end of the tunnel
Then you find someone worth being better for again
There is a reason for all the pain
So you appreciate Love more than you did before

It all depends what you do with the experience.
Are you going to let it bring you down and defeat you?
Or are you going to tell yourself,
This is an opportunity to be better?
This is a chance to live the life you have always wanted?

It hurts. Its not fun.
But its not contagious. Or a terminal illness.

And then, it doesn't hurt. And life is fun again.

Fear has no place in Our Hearts

Three Years...
Three years ago, our world was turned upside down.

I remember my parents calling my sister and I
Asking us to come over to their house, which normally wouldn't be a big deal
But it was after they were supposed to get the results
They asked both of us to leave work
I knew, what I had prayed for- didn't happen

We walked through the door
Mom and Dad sitting on the edge of the couch,
They stood up to hug us
Which normally wouldn't be a big deal
But there was something different
Everything felt much more delicate

There are just a few words that actually make it through my sobs.
Positive.
Maligant.
We will fight this.
Tears. Tears. Tears. and more Tears.
Breast Cancer.
Tears. Tears. Tears. and more Tears.
Fear has no place in our Hearts.
The Lord is working through us
Tears. Tears. Tears. and more Tears.

That moment, everything surged into perspective.
I remember calling my girlfriend Karalyn
I didn't have to say more than
I need to get my tattoo now
She knew exactly what I meant.
*I never did get the tattoo, granting Momma's wishes*

At that moment, I knew everything was about to change
My Momma and I would just sit on the couch and cry together
We researched. She researched. I cried.
When there is a threat to take away your best friend
There is no much more I could do but cry, and pray.

This experience, I would never wish upon any family
But the saddness is, it affects almost every family in some way
Our family chose to be better because of it
My mom sent out encouraging emails
Tracking her progress, with a sense of ease, strength and confidence
She was still our rock.

Fear has no place in our Hearts.

I became an emergency contact on my Momma's medical records
My dad was there, every.step.of.the.way.
He took her shopping for wigs.
Shaved her cute little cue ball head
Held her. Held all of us.
We went to every chemo treatment
He went to every doctors appointment.

This diagnosis brought our family closer together
And we were close before it happened
There was a reason that our family was going through this
And we were not going to let it be another bad statistic
.
I decided to walk in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day
You walk "60" miles in 3 days
Side note: technically the trail is about 20 miles a day, but you literally walk from 5 am Friday morning to 5 pm Sunday- so it adds up to being more than 60 miles.
I asked my friend Karalyn if she wanted to join
The next day she showed up with her tennis shoes on
and my very own pink camelbak
I knew we were doing this

Soon, my brother joined in
and then my dad
and then, my mom...
She didn't want to feel left out

So two weeks after finishing her last chemo
After having a double mastectomy, months prior
Our family walked over 60 miles in honor of the fight our Momma was fighting
It was definitely one of those experiences in life you don't forget

Sleeping in pink tents
Walking. Walking. and more Walking.
Hearing every word for "boob"- and its not weird or inappropriate
People cheering you on.
Tears. Happy Tears. Sad Tears.
Feeling accomplished to walk every step, next to Our Survivor.

Friends there to cheer us along

"I'm a Boob Man"- thats what his sign said

We Made It! The whole way!

We did the walk in San Diego. Figured if we are walking 60 miles, we might as well get a vacation from it!

Our Sign on our Tent to Thank all the people who donated!

The last years have come and gone
Most of the time, I don't think back on that time
I know it happened, but its gone
Fear has no place in our Hearts.

Thank you Momma for your fight
Thank you Jesus for letting us keep her here with us.
She needs to be here. for a very long time. please!
LYB, Bif. <3

49. Sweet Memories



First picture I took with my new camera!

 Make lots of memories.
Sounds easy enough
But so many times, we just go through our days
normal, ordinary, not thinking about making memores
just hoping to remember them at another time

This last year I have tried to make a point of capturing and making memories
A few things I have done to achieve this are:
-Bought a new camera, a fresh start with something fun
-I write down my days (most days) on my calendar
-Blogging, its helped a lot

Trying something new

Let me explain...
Obviously, you know that a camera captures memories
But I try to not only capture memories of nights out on the town, birthdays, or holidays
I bring my camera out, for just a simple dinner with a best friend
Laying around with my niece
The normal ins and outs of the day, because those memories are the ones that we quickly lose.
I don't want to lose any of the time I spend

On my wall calendar, I just write simple notes to myself
Monday: Kickboxing, Power Sculpt, cooked dinner
Tuesday: BodyPump (ouch!), cooked dinner, skyped with so and so
Wednesday: Dinner with mom and Dad
Etc... (mostly boring stuff)
But I can look back at my calendar from last year
and remember things I wouldn't be able if I hadn't wrote that memory down.




The Original Bug and Lily Bug


Blogging, obviously, is another source to look back on
It seems like with memory, you have to have some kind of record to retain it
Whether it be pictures, notes, or a specific event, situation that sticks out in your mind.
Writing down memories, even small ones helps keep them fresh in your mind.




Vegas during Christmas


There are other things you can do
Make themed nights to go out with friends, for no particular reason
Do something you've never done before
Create a new tradition
Staycations are always a good idea

I want to remember as much of my life as I can
I hope that I can create memories that I can always look back on
Sweet, sweet memories...

Now lets go out and make some memories

Suns Game with Jenna

50. I can write my feelings, does that count?

I grew up in the AIM generation
AOL Instant Messenger- in case you didn't know!
Remember that noise when you'd receive a message...
It was addicting to say the least

I loved staying up late, really really late
Talking to friends- people I went to school with, met at church camp, went to church with etc...
We would get on right after school and stay on late into the evening
Maybe this is where it all began...

I wrote a post not too long ago about communication
It has always been easier for me to write out my feelings
Rather than talk about them

I default to text. My reason- I am a little needy when it comes to communication (Thanks Momma!) I want to know whats going on with friends and family. And texting, keeps me connected to people all day long. Its easier and more convenient.
I love to send&receive cards. My reason- it is so much fun to open the mail and have a card there for you, someone took their time to write out how they feel about you, something they want you to know. and you can go back and look at it when you need a reminder or some encouragement. It fills my cup up..
I prefer email. My reason- you can be as short and sweet, or long and detailed as you need. It is convenient for the sender and receiver. You have something to reference, and look back on.
My journal&blog are an escape. My reason- everyone needs a little me time. When I am stressed, bored, anxious, happy, sad- I spend my time working out, shopping or writing. But I always feel the most relief when I write. I am able to be completely honest. Again, I can refer back to a certain time and see how I was feeling.

Writing out my feelings has been a really wonderful way to cope with all the different seasons in my life.
It has allowed me to be honest, to be real, and raw with myself, which is the hardest thing to do
I think writing is a tool that is going to help me continue the process of being the best version of myself
But I am going to work on my verbal communication as well, because I know that is really important too!

When I was younger I loved to write poetry, and songs
I always thought I could be a singer/song writer
Until I realized I am a horrible singer, like shouldn't be allowed into karaoke bars to even watch because I might get the urge (after a few adult beverages) and it would just be bad
So I stuck with dancing, which involved music anyways

I am not one of those, Music is my life, kind of people
But music allows me to be creative
It drives me to focus, and sometimes it says everything I can't

Music seems to have all the answers
Is tonight going to be a good night? Black Eyed Peas say Yes!
Should I go to the gym? Soulja Boy says Work it Out!
Who do you think you are? Sara B says, You ain't the King of Anything!
(You get the point...)
Music is like a magic 8 ball, always has some answer for you

Through the different seasons of life
I have learned that writing and music allow me to express myself, fully
Now wouldn't it be nice to have a soundtrack and memoir to your life...

One and Only

Adele, you've done it again...
Thank you!

51. Time to cry...

Have you ever had a moment, when you realize... you are turning into your mom?
The other day I was pulling out bread options for lunch
Pita bread, sandwich thins, wraps, regular bread
Then there had to be options for what you put on your sandwich
And I just thought, "Lord, I am my mother."

In my case, its a wonderful thing.
There is no one I would rather be, than my mother
She is the strongest person I have ever met
She is beautiful, witty, compassionate, generous, intelligent, nuturing, God-fearing, loving beyond belief
She is caring, funny, open hearted and minded, protective, joyful
My list could go on and on

There are a lot of little characteristics I notice (daily) that come from my momma
One of those things, is my crying place
Growing up, when I didn't feel good, mom let me shower
It has always made me feel better
Even now when I don't feel well, I am stressed, I am overwhelmed, or I need a good cry- just to name a few
You can find me in the shower.

I didn't find out until much later,
That my momma did this too.
I never really saw my mom cry when I was younger
She was always the strong one,
Not until she was diagnosed, did she let us be the strong ones for her
Which was still hard for her

But it is the number one place to cry
Because when you get out,
You don't know if you are wiping away tears or just water from the shower
No one has to know that's what you were doing
It gives you alone time with your thoughts

This is why I think the shower is the number one place to cry
Thanks for sharing it with me, Momma<3

Confessions of a Single Girl

Confessions of a Single Girl: If you know a great photographer, who is willing to go out and get some practice, take them up on it! Girls just want to have fun! Get dressed up! Curl your hair! Put on fun makeup! Go out and be creative! It is good for the spirit, I promise! 

When you have a very talented sister, who is a photographer,
sometimes you just want to have fun together!

My sister entertained my idea for another little photo shoot,
Last year we took photos for my graduation
This year we took them for fun-
Maybe just for some proof of progression of the last year...

*All of these photo's are copyrighted by Heather Rae Photography!* 

 

 

Need your pictures taken? You should contact my sister!