52. 'The Right Decision"

Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday

And other times its a distant memory
Someone else making the "Right" decision, you never had the strength to make

That crushing feeling, you know the one, when you hear those words
You lose all feeling in your legs, your heart starts to race
You try to think back, had you done something wrong?
What did they want to talk about?

You thought everything was going fine.
Yea, there were those little things you both never seemed to get over
And the things you never seemed to make him happy with
But those things wouldn't be worth giving up on everything you had...

Then all the wind is knocked out of you
You can't tell your days apart
You hadn't moved from "crying" position in who knows how long
Everywhere you turn, every place you go there they are
The memories that once brightened your days
Now hang over you like a rain cloud you will never escape

But there are thoughts, every so often, that pull you back to the surface
You have been drowning in your own tears, fears, frustrations, devastations, sadness, confusion
You have been sinking to the bottom with a "How do I go on?" weight,
Pulling you further and further down
Then there is a tiny life saver

A friend calling to check on you
That spot in your bed beckoning you to stay a little longer
Your mom holding you like when you were little
Your dad telling you he would do anything to fix this feeling
The empty journal, you've been neglecting all this time
The thoughts: as much as this hurts
As much as I hate this
There is something that strangely feels right

These feelings are natural, after so much of you had been defined by something else
These emotions, feelings hold on tight
They make you think the wrong decision is right
Because if this is the right decision, why does it hurt so badly?

This year I have learned you will feel this way with heartache
Even when it is Right, it does not mean Easy.
Sometimes it is even harder to stand up for what you want
Than to make the wrong decision to stay comfortable

It all gets better.
There are days where the breaking stops
You can breathe normally, and tears don't fall as often.
Then there are days when you smile, really smile again.
It doesn't always stay that way
It might take time for the Right decision to feel right

There will be sunshine again
Warm memories that you create as you find yourself
It all takes time
And you deserve that time

Don't let the experiences of the past close your opportunities of the future
Don't make someone else pay for the scars of your past
There will be a Right decision that is Easy for you
But deep down inside, your heart knows
Follow your heart, it knows the way...

Just a thought...

So I wrote my post about the 52 lessons I have learned in the last 52 weeks
It got me thinking...
Maybe I will write a post for every lesson I wrote about
You may learn something new about me
Or the situation I have been through
Even help yourself out with something

I am going to try to be as honest as possible
but know that I am moving forward
and this year has good things in store for me

I will continue to learn new lessons in life
I don't ever want to stop learning, loving or living
But I know that my past does not define me, but it got me where I am at.

I don't know my future,
But I sure know my past
I will use it to be better
and live a better story while it lasts...

Fifty Two...

52 Lessons I have learned in the last 52 weeks...

52. The "Right" decision is not always an easy decision
51. The shower is the number one place to cry
50. Writing is just one way to cope with feelings, music is another
49. Make lots of memories
48. Heartbreak is not contagious- and contrary to popular belief, its not a terminal illness either
47. Travel, doesn't have to be extravagent, just get away
46. Its ok to be mad at God, let Him know when you are- He already knows...
45. Those cheesy motivational, encouraging quotes- really do help
44. You don't have to be happy, but always be thankful
43. God places people in your life when you need them most
42. Friendships change... and that is ok!
41. You only get one chance to live this life, its too long to be stuck or do things you don't want too...
40. The bigger picture is a lot better than you can imagine.
39. Redheads have more fun!
38. Its true when they say "Sometimes you don't know what you have until its gone"
37. The first meal you should cook a man is popcorn :)
36. Too much tequila is always a bad idea...
35. There is always a reason to shop: you're sad, happy, stressed, bored, excited, broke... you get the picture
34. Splurge on yourself, you deserve it!
33. If a guy tells you his name means "storyteller"- that should be your first sign to walk away
32. Being an Aunt is the BEST thing in the world!
31. "Friends are angels who lift us up to our feet when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
30.  Let your guard down and LOVE... the worse that can happen is you miss an opportunity to grow
29. Always schedule Girls Nights in pen on your calendar, you deserve that time!
28. You will smile again, even when you thought you wouldn't
27. What once was the worst thing to happen in your life, might be the best thing- God is working upstream in your life, you don't always see the reason for the pain until much later
26. "I am just a tree in a story about a forest"- Donald Miller, A million miles in a thousand years
25. Shellac manicures are addicting
24. A man should ALWAYS open your doors, and you should always say Thank You
23. When you are heartbroken, common sense is not always common
22. God has a plan, just need to have faith that His works better than mine
21. His plan will ALWAYS work better than mine
20. It truly is better to have loved and lost, than never love
19. Blogging is a great way to look back and see where you've been and write where you are going
18. Dream. Big. 
17. Start living your better story when you decide you need too
16. Graduating college is scarier than you think it would be
15. Hope is Faith on Fire
14. When you walk into a room, see everyone as friends you haven't met yet
13. Mom is always right, Dad can make anything alright
12. Be active. Stay Happy.
11. High Heels do wonders for your self esteem
10. "Every flower that blooms has to go through a whole lot of dirt."
9. Be Patient. There is no time line. and don't freak out when you don't know where you are going, you are heading somewhere even when you think you are standing still
8. Be a friend, when you need a friend. "We all need someone who gives us the courage to be who we're meant to be."
7. "It costs nothing to dream, and everything not too."
6. Tell those you love, you love them as often as possible
5. Try something new as often as you can.
4. Being single isn't half that bad.
3. Don't let fear in, let Love in.
2. "Friendship isn't about whom you've known the longest, its about who came and never left your side." <3
1. That Love you have been looking for, its God...

and one for good luck- Always Love. 



I probably could have put more thought into these, but they were the first things to come to my mind. I have learned a lot, and changed a lot during this last year... A lot of the changes have been documented on this blog, and a lot of them have been internal but overall, I wanted to share with you some of the lessons I have learned this last year...

Practically Perfect

"You are practically perfect in everyway."
 - Mary Poppins

*I found this on: Yes and Yes -a blog I stumbled upon*

Don't let anyone, or anything make you feel differently!

We all have faults, but you were unqiuely made,

special design just for you!

Shine Bright!

210 Days of Summer

The heat has rolled in for the Summer,
though we celebrated the first day of Spring a few weeks ago.

Summer is my favorite season, not necessarily in Arizona
I love the sunshine that rises early in the morning and gives you longer days to play outside.

With summer on my mind, I thought I would share a few of my favorite things about summer...

Cold watermelon
Laying in the sun
Sun kissed skin
Fresh lemonade
Water parks
Summer Movies
Road trips
Iced coffee in the mornings
Sleeping on cold sheets
Pool days with friends, and margaritas
Trips to California to visit friends
Summer Dresses (or summer wardrobe in general)
Freckles
Shaved Ice

I just love the summertime and all the fun things it brings! Just not the heat!

hmmm... maybe relocating will help with the heat...

A Dreamers Dream

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."- Vincent Van Gogh

I wasn't blessed as one of those people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives.
I didn't grow up dreaming of being a Olympic Gold Medalist, never had the drive to be the youngest person to become a doctor, shoot, most the time I can't even remember the dreams I had the night before!

Part of me has always wondered if having such a clear cut goal in life makes it any easier...
Or does it mean I'm not a dreamer because I don't have this big dream or goal

My mom always tells this one story of me when we talk about growing up, and I think it stands pretty true
One day my mom asked me "Bug, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
After careful thought and consideration I replied with...
"You know mom, somedays I want to save the world, and other days I just want to be a supermodel."
Ha!
But its true, I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
I feel like I should have it all figured out
So I am figuring out life is a process
Even though, some people are blessed with knowing what they want to do and they do it.
I am still learning,
But that doesn't mean I am not a dreamer.

My dreams are just different

Communication

For some reason, I have been having an issue articulating my thoughts.
It seems as if, when the thoughts start their journey from my brain to my mouth
They get lost, jumbled, confused

Usually, when they journey from my brain to my hands
They come together much easier, articulate and precise.
Writing is my way of communicating

You can't use a delete button on your words,
You can't take back anything that came out of your mouth
Scribbling down my thoughts, feelings, dreams, frustrations, the words I want to say
comes so much easier to me.

I went to an event called the Yelo Experience
It was about finding what your strengths are
What I took away from it was- most of the time, the focus is on our weaknesses
What it is that we need to work on, which isn't a bad thing to work on
But what about the things you are good at?
Why not capitalize on the strengths you already have?
Continually using your strengths will only make you stronger in that area, and thats always a good thing.

My strengths were: (I promise to go over in a little more detail what these mean but its late, and I'm tired, I just needed to get this blog off my mind...)
Includer
Communication
Positivity
Strategic
WOO (Winning others over)

At the event, they asked us to pick one of our strengths to work on, to build on and utilize more...
I chose, Communication...

I know I love to talk, I can write my feelings like none other
But I know I am not always the best at communicating my feelings, thoughts, wants, plans, desires with words, directly from my mouth...

I want to work on this strength. I know it is there, I just need to break down some walls, fears that I have associated with communicating.

slowly but surely...