Love You Big

Forgive me, for I am no scholar in this field, so I am not sure how profound this will be
or if it will even make sense, But this is my perspective and experience.
Its also my blog so I guess those things don't necessarily matter!

I am going to try and work out some thoughts I have on Love right now

I say, right now, because I realize Love is something I will continually explore and draw new understanding from, as I experience life
As most of my blogs go, I am not really following a brain storm, or a rough draft
Just writing it down as it flows from my heart...

Its not new to anyone that I love to love
But, do I know the capacity my love could be if I can't let God love me?
Do I even know the capacity of how God loves me?

Ever have a question, thought, scenario get stuck in your head?
You go over it, and over it, and over it.
Thinking, spinning, questioning, exploring, trying to find an answer...

This week my struggle is... how can I let anyone love me, if I haven't even let God love me?

It sounds a bit dramatic, I know, but just bare with me
Everyone has a wall, we all make a choice on how we build or take down our walls with people
I believe my wall is made of some kind of bionic transparent plastic
you can see right through it, through me...
I choose to be an open person, but open does not mean unguarded, I am learning
But its a bionic wall, even I don't know how high and strong it really is

First thought on Love is...
God is Love. But I don't know how to let God love me
Do I really know Love?

Second thought...
Can we truly understand the depth of God's Love for us?

Third thought...
How do you let God love you?
Which makes me think, if I can't let God love me... how would I let anyone else love me?

And these thoughts just continue
like water rushing downstream from a broken levy
 
I have been trying to fathom what God's Love is like...
And let me tell you, I am not sure my mind can even imagine 
the space it truly consumes,
the warmth it gives,
the light it shines,
the happiness it truly brings...

Can you imagine the depth of God's love?
I think of the Grand Canyon, or the Mariana Trench when I imagine an object really deep
I truly believe that God's Love for us goes even deeper than that
if it were something you could fit in boundaries (which I know we can not)

I don't have the answers for these thoughts, I am sure there is someone out there who could name a bible verse for every question I have, but this is the conclusion I have come too...

First conclusion...
God is Love.
But if I don't let God love me,  (aka break down the bionic wall)
I will never know the BIG love I have talked about needing.
His love is more powerful and consuming than anything I could imagine.
Without His love, I can not love to my full capacity.

Second Conclusion...
I am sure there are times in our lives
falling in love, and becoming parents or aunts/uncles
that we get a glimpse of what it feels like to have a BIG love,
even God's type of love, I believe it is just a glimpse of what his love is like
I am not sure I will ever truly comprehend the depth His love goes for me.

Third Conclusion...
I think the answer to this question looks different to everyone, I am not sure how my answer looks.
I know God loves me because I am his beloved.
God loves to love me as broken as I am, with the mistakes I have made
I just have to be willing to accept it... I am longing to accept it

I do believe accepting God's love for me is like taking the top layer of my bionic wall down...
 
Ultimately, God's love is BIG. 
Its bigger than I can imagine.
It is a redeeming love that I am blessed by.
It is an unconditonal love that I am saved by.
It is an unfaltering love I am humbled by.

God's love is so mighty
and if I can open my heart to that kind of love,
I believe I will be blessed with an amazing kind of love
that will just be a glimmer of what he has for me...