Whatever it takes...

I know it has been awhile since I have written on here.
Excuses are excuses.
I just haven't felt the urge to write.
Even now, I want to pour words onto the page but nothing seems to be there.

Here is my attempt at an update of life right now.
I am living and loving San Diego.
I had an interview earlier this week, it went really well.
It wasn't a dream job, but it was something so I could be working again.
I did really well at the interview, and I left thinking 'Well maybe that will work...'

I had been praying a lot about it.
Talking to friends and family, having them pray for answers for me as well. 
I moved to San Diego for a change.
For a challenge.

Was it God providing me with an opportunity?
Or was it me just taking the first thing that came in front of me?
Was the Lord leading my steps?
Or was I running ahead of his plan with impatience?
Was this a job that would help me in my goals?
Or would this just be some place til something better came along?
Would it be morally right to take the job knowing I want more?
Or is any other place going to call?

Well after the interview, I got a call-
They wanted me to go forward with the process to give me an offer
I was happy it went in my favor, but still felt uncertain about it.
Was I trusting the Lord? Really leaning on Him and giving it up to Him?
 
The next day, I got another call.
They chose to go with another candidate.
I knew it was God.
It was a blessing, because it really wasn't something I wanted.
It was a blessing to be considered.
But it was a blessing to be rejected.

I am not gonna lie, as much as I didn't want the job
I didn't want them to make the decision.
The rejection kind of stung a little bit.
And then panic set in...
Am I going to find a job?
Why did it happen this way?
Couldn't I have been the one to say no, I am not interested?

And I prayed.
Prayed for understanding, patience, guidance.

The moral of this story, if there is one...
I am praising Jesus, I wasn't offered that job.
It would have been easy.
It would have been fine.
But I didn't come here for easy and fine.
I want to serve and be a part of something bigger than myself.
I know the Lord has me.
I know He will take care of this situation, I just need to lean on Him.

I wrote this prayer the other night, and it is going to be my prayer for awhile...

Lord, 

I know the plans you have for me, and I trust You. 
I feel them working in my life already. 
I know it is for You and You alone. 
Lord, whatever it takes, let me be close to You. 
Let your heart dwell in mine, and what Your will is, over power any of my own desires and wants.
Lord, help me discover my gifts. 
Help me explore my purpose. 
Put people in my life, who will invest in me and shine Your light in my life.
God, I feel you moving mountains all around me.
I pray I continue to seek Your will, and Love in all that I do. 
Father God, I trust You and You alone. 
Thank You for Your never ending Grace in my messy life. 
Thank You for making my life beautiful and worthy through Your Love. 
Lord, whatever it takes, make me close to you. 
xo 


I pray even in trials, during the hard times- I praise the Lord for the good He is doing in my life.
I pray even in easy times, happiness in life- I praise the Lord for the good He is doing in my life.
I pray even in rejection- I praise the Lord for the opportunities He is opening and closing in my life.


Whatever it takes, make me close to you Lord.

Making It Happen

I did it!
I am finally here.
After years of dreaming about it
Months talking about it
Miles to get here
I am.

I am finally living one of my dreams
This is my new town

It has been really hard for me to put any of my thoughts into words these last few days 

I was anxious, scared, excited, happy, adventurous, nervous, proud, sad all in one jumbled mess 

This is going to be good. 

I may take some wrong turns, but each one is a new opportunity 

I will make new friends, a new life while still holding on to the experiences and people who have gotten me where I am 

I have a new perspective, awareness and spark

I am really excited where this decision is going to lead 

This could be a just a pit stop in my journey 

Who knows how long I will be here before moving on 

But I am going to take it all in and enjoy every second of it! 

I am a San Diegan now

How would you live differently?

Credit

How would you live differently?

November, November

Happy November!
I can not believe it is already November, where oh where does all the time go?
A lot of things are changing this month.
I am a mixed bag of emotions
It won't always be easy but it is something good for me.
I am really excited, and hope to write a lot more about it.

Happy November!
Its a month of thankfulness
And I am thankful for you!



on a side note: Read this story today on MSN.com and my heart swelled with love. Such redemption and goodness out of something that once was so dark and hurtful.

Quotes

saw this quote earlier this week

and wanted to share it.

letting go is hard, hard, hard to do

but once you do

the past has no power over you

its been a really busy week.

started training my replacement at work.

this is all happening.

mixed emotions for sure.

but taking it all in for what it is

and excited for this next adventure.

One Year

In one year
babies change so much.

They go from sleeping, pooping and eating all the time
to crawling everywhere, whining when you hold them and aren't their momma, pooping but almost like real poop, eating lots but its not as easy as when they were little.
They get teeth, their hair grows, they smile.
They can pick out their toys, they know what they want, and are continually changing
I think most of their growth and changes has to happen in the first few years

Lily is one year old today!

I wrote this last year the day she was born:
"My niece was born today. The adventure is about to begin. I can not imagine life without her here!
It is an amazing feeling. I had no idea your heart could explode from love.
That you could be so filled with joy, love, hope, fear, excitement, worry with one sight of that little bundle of perfection.
She is perfect. absolutely. not denying it. perfection.
The love I have for her is undeniable. strong. pure. big. true. unconditional. LOVE.
God, thank you for this precious gift in my life. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to love someone this special. Thank you for putting Lily in our lives, but especially my life. The hole that I had in my heart, was instantly filled with the love I carry for her. I love this little one more than life itself already... "

It feels like she has always been with us
I really didn't know you could love someone so much, so unconditionally, so quickly.
I love that little nugget more than I can explain
So proud to be her aunt!

Lily and I last thanksgiving

Flowers on a Tuesday: Special Edition

This is about a week late, sorry Momma.*
In honor of my fabulous Mommasita though she has taught me many, many things
Here are the top ten lessons I have learned from her.

1. Remember who you are.
- Mom always says this to me when I leave the house. For a dance in high school, to hang out with friends at a football game, to now when I am an adult and going to dinner with a friend or out with the girls. She always says 'Love you. Remember who you are.' and I do, I try to remember that I am representing not only myself but my family as well when I am out.
2. Make everyone feel special when you can
- My mom is probably one of the best people in the world at making people feel special. She remembers the little things. She surprises you when you least expect it. When I was little I collected beanie babies, I just loved them. And I would come home from a normal day at school and there would be Mr. Frog on the bathroom faucet. Or Mr. Snowman sitting on my bed. Even when I grew out of my beanie baby stage, mom always has some small thing to surprise us with. And it always speaks to each person specifically.
3. Its the little things that count
- Like the one before, specialness doesn't have to be big extravagent things. Small cards with a little moola, a hug one a rough day, going out to lunch for no reason. These are all little things that truly matter.
4. Family First- you always have time for you family
-Momma has taught me the importance of family. They are with you for life, and will always be there for you NO MATTER WHAT. You can always make time for your family, you might want to be doing something else, but it is always a good time when family is together!
5. Put love in everything you do
- From dinner on a monday night, to helping me pack up my apartment my mom puts love in everything she does. She is the most genuine givers of love you will ever meet. You don't have to do anything for it in return, she gives it freely and graciously. There is nothing my mom doesn't do without a little bit of love involved.
6. Patience
-I went through (and sometimes revert back to) a phase in my life where I was m.o.o.d.y! Moooood swings!But my mom not only was patience with me during that/those times but she loves me through them. I don't know if she ever has a bad day but she never shows it. I wish I could be more like her in this way. She is always patient with everyone and everything. I am only patient with tootsie pops.
7. Coupons, Coupons, Coupons
- Anytime I get a good deal at a store, I have to call or text my mom to tell her. She is a bargain shopper. Never pays for shipping online, always finds a coupon for what she is going to buy. I think its a great quality, I mean she isn't an extreme couponer, but she does some damage with her shopping and saving. I always feel like she will be proud of me when I get a deal!  
8. You're good enough, You're smart enough and doggonit people love you
- Any major event in my life, or college exam momma would tell me this. It is one of our many family mantra's. She is always encouraging, supporting and lifting people up. I hope I can be this kind of person in other people's lives, and especially when I become a momma.
9. You are stronger than you know.
-My mom has been through a lot in her life. But she continues to amaze me with how strong she is. She can hold it together when everyone else is falling a part. She always says my dad is the type that goes running in when everyone else is running out, but I feel like she is running in just in a different way. She is always wanting to help people. And she has taught me, I can get through it. There is a bigger picture, and this is just a small piece of it.
10. Neediness isn't a bad thing
-Overall, my family is needy. We love to communicate, be with each other and I am learning it's not a bad thing. I used to joke around that when I was leaving my parents house I would have to say it 30 minutes before I actually needed to leave because mom would always find some way to talk to me about something else and keep me there longer than I should be. But I love those moments, I love this about my family. 

one for good luck, nicknames are a good thing.
-Mom can come up with a nickname for anything and everything. I have found that I do the same thing and I love it. Everyone deserves to have a good nickname, if you don't have one Momma will getcha one!

My mom has taught me so much in life. She is my best friend, and is always there for me. She takes care of me when I am sick, she loves me even when she doesn't love what I am doing, she invests in people who are important in my life. She has taught me how to love, live and laugh. I am forever grateful and blessed to have been her daughter. I pray I can be half the mom she was to me.

LYTTMAB!