Making It Happen

I did it!
I am finally here.
After years of dreaming about it
Months talking about it
Miles to get here
I am.

I am finally living one of my dreams
This is my new town

It has been really hard for me to put any of my thoughts into words these last few days 

I was anxious, scared, excited, happy, adventurous, nervous, proud, sad all in one jumbled mess 

This is going to be good. 

I may take some wrong turns, but each one is a new opportunity 

I will make new friends, a new life while still holding on to the experiences and people who have gotten me where I am 

I have a new perspective, awareness and spark

I am really excited where this decision is going to lead 

This could be a just a pit stop in my journey 

Who knows how long I will be here before moving on 

But I am going to take it all in and enjoy every second of it! 

I am a San Diegan now

Cycle

If you do what you have always done; you'll get what you always got. 
If nothing changes, nothing changes. 
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
 
There is a cycle that we all get into,
I think we thrive for routine and comfort
But most of the time the cycle is really hard to break

Sometimes you just have to be strong enough
And break the cycles in your life that are doing more harm than good.

It could be the hardest thing
but it will be worth it...

Just a quick little note before heading off to bed- sleep tight

Post Secret

 

Sometimes what you can't put into words.

Someone else can. 

They don't have to mean the same thing.

But they can move you the same way. 

I miss the times when my most important decisions was what to wear to school. 

I miss when I never doubted my dreams 

I miss when love was all you needed... 

Sometimes when you can't put into words. 

Someone else can. 

And it is exactly what you have been trying to say. 

 

 

*pictures found on PostSecrets Google Search

A few things...

I was thinking today about a few things that I have learned over the last year.
Thought maybe I could share a few with you..
Some are serious, some are funny but over all they are what they are..
Just a few things I have learned

1. Friends are like seasons, they come and go. Come in your life when you need them most. Sometimes they will stay for a long time (kind of like the heat in Arizona right now! Can it please be winter already!?) But... Its Ok! Its ok if your best friend isn't your best friend anymore because you have grown up and grown apart. Doesn't mean your love has changed for them.

2. Heartache is NOT, I repeat, NOT a terminal illness. As much as it might feel/seem like it at first... It is something you cope with, heal from, learn from and get better from. Its a really hard life lesson, but I think its an injustice if you don't experience it once. April Showers, Bring May Flowers... You can grow flowers from where dirt used to be (Kate Nash- Merry Happy) You will get better from heartache I promise <3 

3. Bad decisions do not define you. They just add to your character.. if you learn from them the right way.

4. Pampering, rewarding, splurging on yourself is a MUST. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. To stay sane, and happy don't deprive yourself of the little things you deserve.

5. Flaming Hot Cheetos are ALWAYS a bad idea. No matter how long its been since you've had them last they will still give you heart burn and its just a bad idea.

6. Standing up for yourself is one of the most empowering things. Who cares if the person never responds. Who cares if they get mad at you for telling the truth.  If you are doing it for the right reasons, and with your heart in the right spot... Stand Up for Yourself!

7. Regardless of how hurt I have been, I will ALWAYS believe in L.O.V.E.

8. Taco Tuesdays are a must! Even if you don't eat Taco's, have taco tuesdays with your best friend, every tuesday! It does amazing things for your friendship.

9. Music answers all the questions you didn't know you had about life.

10. Shoes really could be a girls best friend... unless you are in Vegas, then they are your worst enemy by the end of the night!

I think this is a good start to my list!

To Be Continued...

Lily

Dear Lily,

You have only been in my life for 9 weeks now, and I have never felt so much love for someone. It is so instant. It is irreplaceable and indescribable. To see how you are just constantly changing and growing, I can not wait to watch you in all stages of your life! You light up my life Lily. You bring me so much happiness and I just can't have a bad day when you are around.

I am beyond blessed to be your Auntie. I can't wait for you to grow up and for us to have fun days together. I love to talk to you and be with you. I am sorry I didn't know how to dress you in clothes today after I changed your diaper. Its our first time hanging out just the two of us, so I promise I will get better at it. You are my favorite little Lily! You are so precious and I couldn't imagine my life without you! I will always be here for you Lily. I will listen when you need an ear. I will give you advice when you need it. Take you for ice cream when you are sad. And shopping just because. I will love you forever and ever and always.

Lily you bring light to our family. And it will never be the same because of you.

Change is the only constant...

I was talking with one of my WW buddies this morning about the new plan that WW introduced this month.
It changes a lot of stuff, it is taking some getting used too, and for the most part we all have our heels dug deep into the ground!

What is it about change that we all fear so much?

If you look back on a time in your life where there was change, and look at your life now... for the most part it is better. You are better.

For the most part, change is rarely wanted

We are all comfortable, things are easy, we are content...

Change causes us to re examine our lives, how we are living, what we are doing.

For most people, its hard to be really honest with ourselves.

Sometimes, its really hard to accept that change is exactly what we need

This year I feel like I have done a lot of changing.

I am changing, being molded, working on being the best version of myself possible...

How are you accepting change?

Big Picture

Life is about this Big Picture, that I believe, we rarely think about but are constantly consumed with.

Every decision, every experience is just one puzzle piece in the Big Picture.

So do you make your decisions with a Big Picture perspective
or
Do you make your decisions for the now, realizing it could, will, might change your Big Picture?

It seems like a vicious cycle.
You have to live for the now, because well it is now.
But you have to keep the Big Picture in mind
Does this particular situation, decision, experience work you towards or away from your Big Picture?

I am realizing how hard life is.
Its hard to make the right decision
but, its even harder to know what the right decision is...

I don't know exactly how my Big Picture will turn out.
I know some of my puzzle pieces that will complete it are not the same size...

Some pieces are bigger because they have helped mold me into the best version of myself 

Some pieces are smaller because they just put a small shift in my direction towards my ultimate goal

I imagine my Big Picture as one of those collage pictures that you can take small pictures of your life, and if you look at them individually the are something different, but when you step back and look at it, you see a different picture completely...

I don't know what my Big Picture looks like

So, I will live in the moment, realizing, these small moments now have a BIG impact later...


*Sorry for all the repetition with Big Picture

Reflection

With the end of the year almost here
I am going to do some reflecting on as many different things as I can.

Tonight I just am thankful for the growth I have had this year.
Growing pains... they aren't easy.
Most of the time they are completely uncomfortable, but I keep coming out as a better version of myself.

And ultimately, that is exactly what I want to be...

Happy Birthday Miss Lil!

My niece was born today. The adventure is about to begin. I can not imagine life without her here!

Lily's Mimi and Poppa <3

It is an amazing feeling. I had no idea your heart could explode from love.
That you could be so filled with joy, love, hope, fear, excitement, worry with one sight of that little bundle of perfection.

She is perfect. absolutely. not denying it. perfection.

The love I have for her is undeniable. strong. pure. big. true. unconditional. LOVE.

God, thank you for this precious gift in my life. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to love someone this special. Thank you for putting Lily in our lives, but especially my life. The hole that I had in my heart, was instantly filled with the love I carry for her. I love this little one more than life itself already... 

Speak the Truth

All on His timing...

This summer came at a great time in my life.
God is really good like that
He provided me with outlets
He never put too much on my plate
He let me pout, he let me cry, he let me be mad at him
BUT, he was there with me the whole time.
God is bringing me around full circle right now
I am trying to be patient with his plans.
I know he has them, and I know they are best for me
But its hard to not have the control.
I am learning to just let things happen and have faith that it will all work out
I will have my great love one day
I do hope I don't have to go through much more heartache to get there
but if thats the plan, that is the plan.
It is what it is.

So much to say

I have so much to say
but I will keep it to myself...

I'm moving forward,
as you go back...

I want to say so much more,
but my momma taught me better...

I think I am at the pissed off stage of mourning, but the good thing about that is I think the next stage is happiness I am done with mourning! And tomorrow will be that day!

Carrie Underwood- Undo It

The day Punkin Died

I had the best little car!
She took me on so many adventures,
and even lost her life saving mine!
ok, ok a little dramatic I know but, a year ago today I was in a car accident!
I wasn't hurt, but sweet little punkin didn't make it out alive!

She was the best little car, and I just loved her so much!
Thanks for all the great times punkin!

Funny to think about where I was a year ago, and where I am today. Some of the faces I saw daily are not the same anymore, but I am growing to be a better person and thats exactly what I need to be!

Hanging on

I have always had a problem letting go of things.
I feel like if I have invested in something, I don't want to not see it blossom into its full potential.

There are things, or people in life that will never reach their full potential because they make the decision to stop growing.

You can water their foundation, give them the best soil, make sure they get enough sunlight, even talk or sing to them to encourage their growth and help them realize their full worth and potential.

But I guess I am learning, even if you do all these things, the object you are trying to help grow will only grow if it wants too. If it digs its roots down into what you have provided and sees their own potential.

I guess I hang on, because I want to be there for the beginning to the end of the process. If I am in a growing process with you, its fair to say I will want to be there with you until the end. When I invest in someone, I want to see my investment grow. I have hung on because I want to see you grow into what I know you can be. but, I have to realize its not my fault if you can't see your own potential. And if you limit yourself in life.

The sky is my limit. And I'm done hanging on...

Duffy: Hanging On Too Long-
It was just my mistake thinking you cared
It was just my mistake thinking you'd be there
That you'd be by my side and that you wouldn't lie
My mistake

It was just my false hope thinking we'd last, yeah
It was just my false hope, forgot all your past
All those girls you denied
Smashed up hearts hung out to dry

I know it's wrong, hanging on too long
I know it's wrong, hanging on too long
But I need to move on, hanging on too long

I was a fool for you right from the start, yeah
I was a fool for you hoping for a spark
For some kind of sign that you would be mine

I know it's wrong, I do, hanging on too long
And I know it's wrong, hanging on too long

My heart was clutching to one fair right
My head was pumping, it could put up a fight

I know it's wrong, hanging on too long
And I know it's wrong, hanging on too long
And I need to move on, I'm hanging on too long

I know it's wrong, hanging on too long
And I know it's wrong, hanging on too long

Long Road

There are so many analogies, or sayings about life.

And they are all applicable. they all have meaning.

Life is a long road. It doesn't always go how you would have planned, and to be honest, you control how your road goes with your attitude, behaviors and choices.

My road is windy, it doesn't stay in one direction for too long, but one direction is does not go is backwards. My road will continue to go forward, and I will continue to move forward on it.

And I will have a beautiful view along the way!

Why?? Because, I am choosing it to be that way!

Used or Unwanted

I'm not sure which is better
or which hurts the most

Neither of them are wonderful
but I am not sure how to not feel them

It is like taking the less of two evils...

They aren't constant feelings.
It comes and goes as it pleases
But there are constant reminders
that these feelings are there...

To feel used
or
To feel unwanted

which would you choose?

I'm trying to choose neither, but its harder than you'd think...

Ah Ha Moments

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."- Albert Einstein...

Ever have an "ah Ha" moment?
You realize you are not making the best decision for yourself,
yet you continue to make the decision over and over thinking this time it, he, she, they will be different, treat you different, react different.
it won't happen.
its insane to think that doing the same thing over and over will give you a different result.

But the hardest part, is to break the cycle.
To stop making the same choices, stop doing the same thing over and over.
If you want different results you have to do something
If nothing changes... nothing changes, right??


I had an "Ah Ha" moment today.
I put myself into a situation where I don't like the result but I keep doing it over and over hoping it will be different.
it wont happen.
So I need to start making the right decision for me
because ultimately, this is my life. its about me. and i am the only one living my life

Another "Ah Ha" moment I had about myself was that one of my character flaws and strength is kindness...
Some people mistake kindness for weakness
Others take advantage of a persons kindness
Then there are people who read too much into someone being kind
And lastly, there are some people who see kindness for exactly what it is.

I am tired of people not seeing kindness as what it is intended to be.

I want to be kind to everyone

But I am learning I can't be, because in the end, I am hurt.

Happiness

Not that I was right.
But I wasn't necessarily wrong either.
I just didn't think I would be happy for a long time...

but

I am happy.
I can say this and not feel guilty.

For the first time, in a looooong time, I am me.

I feel like I didn't know who me was for a long time...
and now I am doing new things to figure it out.
I know it may take some time...
and I am ok with that, more than ok.

I know somedays will not always be as bright and hopeful
but today I am moving in the right direction

I am happy.

and I am allowed to be.

Once Again

I still have my days, and my moments... a lot
where I think, what are we doing?
how is this right?
what am I supposed to do?

I need you...

You get me
You know me
I can be me with you.

Today:
It still doesn't feel right.
It still doesn't feel ok.
I am really sad

Everyone tells me I need to be out there having fun
I need to move on and get passed these feelings
That this is right to them...
I have yet to feel those things

I am not sure how to do all these new "firsts" again.

Today. I am not ok.

once again.

When will I be?

Hardest Thing Ever...

Today...
I did the hardest thing I hope I ever have to do in life.
I guarded my heart.
I stood up for myself so I could move forward
I made a decision for myself
I still put myself out there, but it doesn't hurt as bad.

I still love you
It will not always be easy
It might not feel good all the time

but I did it.

Today...
I did something for my future
I made a choice to speak up for what I need
It was the hardeSt thing I have ever had to do

but I did it.

Today...
is a new day
the future is bright

but I did it...

because I love you.